I can't believe I'm still alive. In the past three or four days, I've been ill enough to cover an entire epidemic in the continent of Africa. Worry not though, people! Moo is quite ok again, and just amazed at the number of things that happened to her at alarming rapidity. I've been telling whoever was polite enough to listen, about the whole bunch of viruses that attacked me, whilst I was blissfully unaware and minding my own business. The sneaky bastards. So hopefully, people haven't lost interest in me yet, so those who still want to know how ill I was, will be linked here. Here goes.
1) It all started around last week, when my ears went red and started itching like bitches.
2) This was followed by excessive scratching and heating up of my ears.
3) By the time the ears were resolved, an ugly rash evolved on my arms.
4) Meanwhile, my eyes started watering, and my eyelids started being sore to the touch.
5) The beautiful red rash planted itself on my legs and thighs.
6) This was followed by sleepless nights, where scratching could be listed as my main occupation.
7) The homoeopathic medicine I got was good, but it gave me hugely swollen fingers and swollen, tender gums. Yeah. They couldn't even keep my mouth out of it. How was I to TALK? :'(
8) Fever and a cold kept punctuating this entire spate of disorders.
9) The rash erupted on my face and my eyelids. My. Eyelids.
10) Since I wasn't weak physically and the doctor allowed me to, I decided to go to the gym and distract myself. Sitting at home would only make me wallow in my misery, so I went. It happened to be the day of my new strength workout, with 15 exercises in total. Yeah, so since the gym, every conceivable muscle in my body began to hurt, so that even scratching became a luxury.
11) For some inexplicable reason beyond my realm of understanding, the joint at my right shoulder is hurting like a pack of bitches, making me scream out while turning a power steering. :(
12) Now that most of the above disorders are 95% better, my digestive system was feeling left out, I suppose, so there comes a bout of loose motions. I spent most of today crapping my innards out.
The Guru Cool and I were chatting today, and he asked me a relevant question after I listed this entire list to him. Says he, "Dude, are you sure you aren't in a wheelchair like Stephen Hawking?" I also cannot help but remember Jerome K. Jerome's "Three Men in a Boat", where the narrator discovers with a visit to the doctor, that he has EVERY conceivable disease except Housemaid's Knee. I laughed at the time, oh so heartily, but now I know how it feels. Not the best feeling you can have, but who am I to judge? :P
Anyhoo, I like to believe I'm positive, so I'm just going to say that although I hated the last 3-5 days, I was happy they happened. WHY? Because I could blog about it and a-moose you, you ninnies!
Monday, May 19, 2008
Thursday, May 15, 2008
So many men, so little aspirin!
What with the passage of Mothers' Day recently, I've decided that too much importance is given to some really sad things, at times. Why do Mothers need a special day? If they're that special to you, you wouldn't treat them like dirt now, would you? And if you do treat them like the queens they are, why do you need a special day to prove it? That's what I don't like about these generic days. Anyhoo, realisation also hit me in the head about how there are very few days attributed to men. Father's day, maybe, but I for one don't even realise when it comes and goes.
Ah well, so this post goes out to the men in my life (not in the amorous way, you perverts!) who've poked out big chunks of my heart and refuse to give it back. :)
1) Daddy Dearest: Undoubtedly, he's been in my life even before I was born, and needless to say, I'm Papa's little darling. Maybe he's the only one in the world, who thinks I still am little. Till the end of time, he's the guy who'll always have the largest chunk of my heart and a copyright to all the tiny pecks on the cheeks. I can still go sit on his lap, plant him with surprise hugs, and cuddle into his arms in the middle of the night, without him complaining of disturbed sleep. And how many dads get up from a well-deserved nap to bail you out of a tiny car mishap, ala Austin Powers? And did I mention he's my gymming partner? No? My driving instructor? No? Ah well, he's all those things too. In turn, I'm the one who dutifully laughs at the PJs, plays secretary, computer technician and instructor at times. We have our tiffs and verbal punches at times, both being impatient, but pah! Who doesn't? So Pa, please don't ever get old, and stop telling me when to brake when I'm driving! :P
2) Zander: I've written a whole post for this guy. And ever since then, he's been acting extra nice to me, picks up calls when required, etc. Guess a little diplomacy never hurt anyone. So I'm just going to attach an extra special hug here and stop yapping about him further, else his head gets bloated and is unable to fit through the doorframe. * hug *
3) G@K: My sweetheart of a brother. The two of us are not related, except by a special connection of the dil, and he'll always be the amazing person that he is. Always concerned, and perpetually worried about my well-being, I'm glad he's not related to me in anyway. The cousins, etc. that I do have are the most annoying creatures on earth. I'm kinda glad that I have a brother who isn't remotely connected to anyone but me. I'm missing this crazy guy with the corny jokes, ever since he moved to Australia two months ago. :( Not that we met often, but I always knew I could pop to his place when I needed to. One of my biggest saharas in Mumbai, is no more in Mumbai. Hmph. But the good thing is, we get to talk more often and catch up with each other constantly, funny as that may sound. God bless GTalk. And I better see you soon, G@k! You owe me a lunch at the Taj. :P
4) Phoenix: This person is my 3 a.m. friend. We've never ever met in person, but already know so much about each other! He'll buzz and message me at all weird hours of the night, because he knows his message will rarely remain unanswered. We keep thinking of new ways to be mean to each other, but he'll grudgingly admit that I reign supreme, always. (Heck! It's my blog. I can say whatever I want about myself. :P) One of the only people I know who's reading sensibilities match mine, we're constantly recommending books to each other. He's really brainy and stuff, but never once will believe it himself. Just don't get him started on himself, and you'll be fine. :D And also don't ever believe when he says he's coming to Mumbai to catch up with you soon, because ultimately, he's a filthy liar. :P But he's a close friend, so if anyone were to kidnap him, I might consider paying his ransom (if it's not above a hundred bucks). :P Love you Phoenixikins! :)
Ah well, there ya go! If I've missed out any men from the list, it simply means that you need to work harder to make me rattle off your name from the top of my head. There's no point in painstakingly remembering you, right? Now go away, and don't attack me with acid. :P
Ah well, so this post goes out to the men in my life (not in the amorous way, you perverts!) who've poked out big chunks of my heart and refuse to give it back. :)
1) Daddy Dearest: Undoubtedly, he's been in my life even before I was born, and needless to say, I'm Papa's little darling. Maybe he's the only one in the world, who thinks I still am little. Till the end of time, he's the guy who'll always have the largest chunk of my heart and a copyright to all the tiny pecks on the cheeks. I can still go sit on his lap, plant him with surprise hugs, and cuddle into his arms in the middle of the night, without him complaining of disturbed sleep. And how many dads get up from a well-deserved nap to bail you out of a tiny car mishap, ala Austin Powers? And did I mention he's my gymming partner? No? My driving instructor? No? Ah well, he's all those things too. In turn, I'm the one who dutifully laughs at the PJs, plays secretary, computer technician and instructor at times. We have our tiffs and verbal punches at times, both being impatient, but pah! Who doesn't? So Pa, please don't ever get old, and stop telling me when to brake when I'm driving! :P
2) Zander: I've written a whole post for this guy. And ever since then, he's been acting extra nice to me, picks up calls when required, etc. Guess a little diplomacy never hurt anyone. So I'm just going to attach an extra special hug here and stop yapping about him further, else his head gets bloated and is unable to fit through the doorframe. * hug *
3) G@K: My sweetheart of a brother. The two of us are not related, except by a special connection of the dil, and he'll always be the amazing person that he is. Always concerned, and perpetually worried about my well-being, I'm glad he's not related to me in anyway. The cousins, etc. that I do have are the most annoying creatures on earth. I'm kinda glad that I have a brother who isn't remotely connected to anyone but me. I'm missing this crazy guy with the corny jokes, ever since he moved to Australia two months ago. :( Not that we met often, but I always knew I could pop to his place when I needed to. One of my biggest saharas in Mumbai, is no more in Mumbai. Hmph. But the good thing is, we get to talk more often and catch up with each other constantly, funny as that may sound. God bless GTalk. And I better see you soon, G@k! You owe me a lunch at the Taj. :P
4) Phoenix: This person is my 3 a.m. friend. We've never ever met in person, but already know so much about each other! He'll buzz and message me at all weird hours of the night, because he knows his message will rarely remain unanswered. We keep thinking of new ways to be mean to each other, but he'll grudgingly admit that I reign supreme, always. (Heck! It's my blog. I can say whatever I want about myself. :P) One of the only people I know who's reading sensibilities match mine, we're constantly recommending books to each other. He's really brainy and stuff, but never once will believe it himself. Just don't get him started on himself, and you'll be fine. :D And also don't ever believe when he says he's coming to Mumbai to catch up with you soon, because ultimately, he's a filthy liar. :P But he's a close friend, so if anyone were to kidnap him, I might consider paying his ransom (if it's not above a hundred bucks). :P Love you Phoenixikins! :)
Ah well, there ya go! If I've missed out any men from the list, it simply means that you need to work harder to make me rattle off your name from the top of my head. There's no point in painstakingly remembering you, right? Now go away, and don't attack me with acid. :P
Sunday, May 11, 2008
Goosey Zander
I'm slightly worried about Zander. For the uninitiated, Zander is my best friend, soul-sister, fellow bitch and partner in crime. Plus, what totally helped cement the friendship from my side, is that he owns a bike. And that it's (the bike's) always available as and when required. Oooh, and did I mention that he rides it like the bike's a part of his body? No? Maybe I didn't mention it because it would seem weird to have a bike as a body part. So now that I've got the introductions out of the way, I'll get to the problem in hand.
Like I said, I'm worried about Zander. This is the boy, who loves to do nothing. Erm yes, given a choice, he'd make an occupation out of just that. Nothing. Give him chicken biryani, a cozy bed and enough time to sleep, you wouldn't even notice he was there. He can be that inconspicuous. And believe you me, it's no mean feat for a giant like him to achieve - inconspicuousness. So this extremely lazy and content chappie, is gradually turning into a housewife (feminists, I don't think I really care about you, right now). Well, his mum and dad are out of town for a month, and he's home all alone. You'd think he'd gather the boy gang and host parties, go out clubbing, come back really late, oversleep, and you, the usual things boys would do. But sadly, my dear little Zandy Poo is doing none of the above. Instead, he:
Anyhoo, the mom took pity on my suddenly bachelor friend, and invited him home for lunch. Needless to say, he was really happy with the invite (although he won't admit his glee) and happily toddled along to my house. :) I bet the first thing that went through his mind was, Wow! that's some lunch money saved out of my monthly budget. Perhaps I can buy an extra kg of rice and hoard it instead! Much merriment happened, and after lunch we settled down for a movie, saw half of that, went outside for a quick chocolate brownie, came back, and everyone in the house settled down for a nice chat session. And Zander even exchanged a recipe with my mother! :O Chilly fry something. Fuck! It's funny how you think you know your best friend in and out, and he suddenly exchanges recipes.
After the recipe bit, my parents were convinced that little Zander was ready to tie the knot, and make some lazy woman lucky. And I couldn't agree any more. I mean, what's not to agree? He's smart, adorable, tall, generous, rich, side-splittingly funny, a biker, and he exchanges fucking recipes. I'd marry him right away, except Aamir Khan and I have this thing going on for really long now. He completely understands, though. Best friends, no? :)
Ok enough with the random nonsense. I attribute this nonsense post to lack of sleep (courtesy: Slonumb. The woman's been keeping me awake with phone calls right up to five in the morning these last two days). And, I dedicate this post to Zander, the rock of my life, the pain in my arse, and the throbbing in my head. If it wasn't for him, I wouldn't know I even had one. A head, not an arse. Cliched as this may sound, he's one person who I know will remain constant in my life, and keep me sane. I love you loads Zander, but slightly less than you love me. :D Don't ever leave me stranded in life, and kindly buy a new bike now. NO! NOT a Royal Enfield. :P Apart from that, you're quite alright as you are.
I repeat. I love you. A universe-full.
P.S. Don't tell him, but I might marry him if he whips me up a delicious sizzling brownie with vanilla icecream. Shhh...
Like I said, I'm worried about Zander. This is the boy, who loves to do nothing. Erm yes, given a choice, he'd make an occupation out of just that. Nothing. Give him chicken biryani, a cozy bed and enough time to sleep, you wouldn't even notice he was there. He can be that inconspicuous. And believe you me, it's no mean feat for a giant like him to achieve - inconspicuousness. So this extremely lazy and content chappie, is gradually turning into a housewife (feminists, I don't think I really care about you, right now). Well, his mum and dad are out of town for a month, and he's home all alone. You'd think he'd gather the boy gang and host parties, go out clubbing, come back really late, oversleep, and you, the usual things boys would do. But sadly, my dear little Zandy Poo is doing none of the above. Instead, he:
- Wonders what he can cook for his next meal, uncannily like most mothers / women who cook, do.
- Wakes up at 5 every morning, and soaks clothes for the maid to come and wash.
- Wakes up on time, without anybody having to prod and poke and yell at him to move an eyelash.
- Leaves for work on time, after overseeing the general state of the house.
- Does NOT visit his male friends much, but comes home and sleeps.
- Hasn't boozed at all.
- Does the vessels regularly, without watching them pile up.
- Complain of household chores and the way everything needs to be scrubbed clean.
Anyhoo, the mom took pity on my suddenly bachelor friend, and invited him home for lunch. Needless to say, he was really happy with the invite (although he won't admit his glee) and happily toddled along to my house. :) I bet the first thing that went through his mind was, Wow! that's some lunch money saved out of my monthly budget. Perhaps I can buy an extra kg of rice and hoard it instead! Much merriment happened, and after lunch we settled down for a movie, saw half of that, went outside for a quick chocolate brownie, came back, and everyone in the house settled down for a nice chat session. And Zander even exchanged a recipe with my mother! :O Chilly fry something. Fuck! It's funny how you think you know your best friend in and out, and he suddenly exchanges recipes.
After the recipe bit, my parents were convinced that little Zander was ready to tie the knot, and make some lazy woman lucky. And I couldn't agree any more. I mean, what's not to agree? He's smart, adorable, tall, generous, rich, side-splittingly funny, a biker, and he exchanges fucking recipes. I'd marry him right away, except Aamir Khan and I have this thing going on for really long now. He completely understands, though. Best friends, no? :)
Ok enough with the random nonsense. I attribute this nonsense post to lack of sleep (courtesy: Slonumb. The woman's been keeping me awake with phone calls right up to five in the morning these last two days). And, I dedicate this post to Zander, the rock of my life, the pain in my arse, and the throbbing in my head. If it wasn't for him, I wouldn't know I even had one. A head, not an arse. Cliched as this may sound, he's one person who I know will remain constant in my life, and keep me sane. I love you loads Zander, but slightly less than you love me. :D Don't ever leave me stranded in life, and kindly buy a new bike now. NO! NOT a Royal Enfield. :P Apart from that, you're quite alright as you are.
I repeat. I love you. A universe-full.
P.S. Don't tell him, but I might marry him if he whips me up a delicious sizzling brownie with vanilla icecream. Shhh...
Saturday, May 10, 2008
Pointless Existence
(Disclaimer: Personal post, subject to be irrelevant. Feel free to skip.)
I need to study German. I need to look for a job. I need to be there for my parents. I want to be the rock in their life. I want them to be happy. I want to be happy. I want to stop pretending all's good. Because all's not good. I want people deserving to be unhappy, who cause nothing but grief, to really be unhappy. And the good ones need to be able to smile. I've stopped believing in the greater good. There's no such thing. There's no law of the universe either. Neither does Doom's Day exist. People have stopped getting what they deserve. It's all bullshit.
Dear God, if you exist or pretend to,
Please make them smile. And please keep him happy. They're all I have. If the people who are the reason of my existence aren't content with themselves, there's no point to me, is there?
I need to study German. I need to look for a job. I need to be there for my parents. I want to be the rock in their life. I want them to be happy. I want to be happy. I want to stop pretending all's good. Because all's not good. I want people deserving to be unhappy, who cause nothing but grief, to really be unhappy. And the good ones need to be able to smile. I've stopped believing in the greater good. There's no such thing. There's no law of the universe either. Neither does Doom's Day exist. People have stopped getting what they deserve. It's all bullshit.
Dear God, if you exist or pretend to,
Please make them smile. And please keep him happy. They're all I have. If the people who are the reason of my existence aren't content with themselves, there's no point to me, is there?
Thursday, April 24, 2008
What is with tags, again? Is there a season for tags, like there is for sales and discounts, mating, acne, etc.? I can't believe I'm posting tags back to back. My creative juices are bottling up inside me and will burst out in floods if this continues any longer. Till I go figure where my creative juices are even hiding, I'll post this tag The Gentle Whisperer put me upto. And I can't believe that people KNOW I'm jobless enough to take up their tag first. :( Hmph. Whatever. Here goes:
1) Last Movie You Saw in a Theatre:
Taare Zameen Par, with Ro. And yes, cried during the song 'Ma', till my nose looked like Rudolph's.
2) What book are you reading?
Ah! My favourite kind of question. I'm reading Half of a Yellow Sun by Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie, which I think everyone should read.
3) Favourite Board Game
Game of Life, Scrabble, Pictionary, Monopoly. I'm a very board-games kind of a person.
4) Favourite Magazine
Not much into magazines, but perhaps the Readers' Digest.
5) Favourite Smell
The first whiff when you enter a cake shop
The smell of agarbatti after mum finishes pooja
My hair, after washed with Dove shampoo
The smell of his deo
6) Favourite Sounds
A baby chuckling
Bob Sinclair's World Hold On when I'm working out
Laughter and teasing on the dinner table when everyone's at home
7) Worst feeling in the world
Having to lie to someone you love more than your life
Being cheated on
Realising that someone you trust, doesn't trust you back.
8) What is the first thing you think of when you wake up?
Why in the name of my neighbour's pink chuddies, is it SO freakin' hot!
9) Favourite Fast Food Place
Does Nando's qualify as fast food? No?
10) Future Child's Name
Hiranyakashappoo. A what-the-fuck kinda answer for a what-the-fuck kinda question.
11) Finish this statement- "If I had a lot of money, I'd..."
I'd bathe with milk everyday. Anyway I hate drinking the thing.
12) Do you drive fast?
If a speed of 60 - 80 on an empty road, fast?
13) What was your first car?
My family's first car was a white Datsun, in Dubai.
14) Storms- Cool or Scary?
Make-you-crap-in-your-best-pants scary.
15) Do you sleep with a stuffed animal?
No one's allowed on my bed.
16) Favourite Drink?
Peach iced-tea from Bombay Blue, Lemon Juice from Cafe Samovar.
17) Finish this statement- "If I had the time, I would..."
Spend more time at the gym, or perhaps learn to play a sport.
18) Do you eat the stems with Broccoli?
I've never ever even eaten Broccoli.
19) If you could dye your hair any other colour, what colour would it be?
I wouldn't fuck up my hair more. It's pretty sucky as it is in any case.
20) Name all the different towns/cities you've lived in.
Kuwait and Mumbai!
21) Favourite Sports to Watch?
Tennis, cricket sometimes
22) One nice thing about the person who sent this to you.
I would sell a kidney if I could write like her. I love her turn of phrase.
23) What's under your bed?
I'd say "MONSTERS!" if I was Calvin, but it's just random stuff from here and there, really.
24) Would you like to be born as yourself again?
A thinner version of me, wouldn't be a bad thing.
25) Morning Person or Night Owl
Three night owls rolled into one.
26) Over Easy or Sunny Side Up
Sunny side up
27) Favourite Place to Relax
Home, or the sauna.
28) Favourite Pie?
I like syrupy Indian sweets better.
29) Favourite Ice Cream Flavour
Honey Nut Crunch from Baskin Robbins' and Ferrero Rocher from Gelato.
30) Of all the people you've tagged who's the most likely to respond to this?
I'm being charitable and not tagging anyone. This tag dies with me. :P
I tag
My neighbour with the pink chuddies. And of course anyone who's interested enough.
Right. I've done my good deed. May I go now? ;)
1) Last Movie You Saw in a Theatre:
Taare Zameen Par, with Ro. And yes, cried during the song 'Ma', till my nose looked like Rudolph's.
2) What book are you reading?
Ah! My favourite kind of question. I'm reading Half of a Yellow Sun by Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie, which I think everyone should read.
3) Favourite Board Game
Game of Life, Scrabble, Pictionary, Monopoly. I'm a very board-games kind of a person.
4) Favourite Magazine
Not much into magazines, but perhaps the Readers' Digest.
5) Favourite Smell
The first whiff when you enter a cake shop
The smell of agarbatti after mum finishes pooja
My hair, after washed with Dove shampoo
The smell of his deo
6) Favourite Sounds
A baby chuckling
Bob Sinclair's World Hold On when I'm working out
Laughter and teasing on the dinner table when everyone's at home
7) Worst feeling in the world
Having to lie to someone you love more than your life
Being cheated on
Realising that someone you trust, doesn't trust you back.
8) What is the first thing you think of when you wake up?
Why in the name of my neighbour's pink chuddies, is it SO freakin' hot!
9) Favourite Fast Food Place
Does Nando's qualify as fast food? No?
10) Future Child's Name
Hiranyakashappoo. A what-the-fuck kinda answer for a what-the-fuck kinda question.
11) Finish this statement- "If I had a lot of money, I'd..."
I'd bathe with milk everyday. Anyway I hate drinking the thing.
12) Do you drive fast?
If a speed of 60 - 80 on an empty road, fast?
13) What was your first car?
My family's first car was a white Datsun, in Dubai.
14) Storms- Cool or Scary?
Make-you-crap-in-your-best-pants scary.
15) Do you sleep with a stuffed animal?
No one's allowed on my bed.
16) Favourite Drink?
Peach iced-tea from Bombay Blue, Lemon Juice from Cafe Samovar.
17) Finish this statement- "If I had the time, I would..."
Spend more time at the gym, or perhaps learn to play a sport.
18) Do you eat the stems with Broccoli?
I've never ever even eaten Broccoli.
19) If you could dye your hair any other colour, what colour would it be?
I wouldn't fuck up my hair more. It's pretty sucky as it is in any case.
20) Name all the different towns/cities you've lived in.
Kuwait and Mumbai!
21) Favourite Sports to Watch?
Tennis, cricket sometimes
22) One nice thing about the person who sent this to you.
I would sell a kidney if I could write like her. I love her turn of phrase.
23) What's under your bed?
I'd say "MONSTERS!" if I was Calvin, but it's just random stuff from here and there, really.
24) Would you like to be born as yourself again?
A thinner version of me, wouldn't be a bad thing.
25) Morning Person or Night Owl
Three night owls rolled into one.
26) Over Easy or Sunny Side Up
Sunny side up
27) Favourite Place to Relax
Home, or the sauna.
28) Favourite Pie?
I like syrupy Indian sweets better.
29) Favourite Ice Cream Flavour
Honey Nut Crunch from Baskin Robbins' and Ferrero Rocher from Gelato.
30) Of all the people you've tagged who's the most likely to respond to this?
I'm being charitable and not tagging anyone. This tag dies with me. :P
I tag
My neighbour with the pink chuddies. And of course anyone who's interested enough.
Right. I've done my good deed. May I go now? ;)
Wednesday, April 23, 2008
Songitty Tag
I was unfairly tagged by this stupid Phoenix I know. Although I'm secretly pleased that I was chosen, I still don't like this tag because it's going to take quite a while to finish. So at the end if I tag you, you'll know I don't quite like you, which is why I'm putting you through it. :p Alright. Here goes nuffink!
Rules of the tag : Various situations are given. You have to come up with a song (or set of songs) that aptly describe the particular situation in your life.
Your Life: The Soundtrack
Opening credits: Mujhe Mil Jo Jaaye thoda paisa - Agosh
Waking up : Subah ho gayi Mamoo - One of the blasted Munnabhai films
Average day: Yaara seeli seeli - Lekin
First date: Ishq hua - Aaja Nachle
Falling in love: Unchained Melody - Righteous Brothers
Love scene: Wonderful Tonight - Eric Clapton
Fight scene: Shut up, just shut up, shut up! (by I don't know who)
Breaking up: Judaa ho ke bhi tu mujh mein kahin baaki hai - Jal
Getting back together: Bring me to life - Evanescence
Secret love: Mera padhne mein nahi laage dil - Kora Kaagaz
Life's okay: Haal Chaal thik thak hain - Mere Apne
Mental breakdown: Maula mere, le le meri jaan - Chak De
Driving: Thandi hawa, yeh chandni suhani - Jhumroo
Learning a lesson: Bad Day - Daniel Powter
Deep thought: Laaga chunari mein daag - Manna Dey
Flashback: Woh shaam, kuch ajeeb thi - Khamoshi
Partying: (for some weird reason) The Birdie Dance
Happy dance: Move Your Body - Johnny Gaddar
Regretting: Turn Back Time - Aqua
Long night alone: Midnight Bottle - Colbie Calliat
Death scene: Zindagi kaisi hai paheli - Anand
Closing credits: Yeh Hai Meri Kahani - Zinda
Actually, it was rather fun coming up with this. So I'm going to tag all those I like, too. :) Here goes. I tag:
1) The Gentle Whisperer (this time, no forgetting you!)
2) The Overated Outcast (please humour me, you...)
3) Ess, of Idle Mind fame (What the hell, you're idle anyway, aren't you?)
4) Chandni (I'll be crushed if you don't follow suit)
5) G@k (I love bothering you)
6) Pooky (To save you the effort of penning your thoughts)
7) And anyone else who feels aptly jobless as I do, at the moment.
Rules of the tag : Various situations are given. You have to come up with a song (or set of songs) that aptly describe the particular situation in your life.
Your Life: The Soundtrack
Opening credits: Mujhe Mil Jo Jaaye thoda paisa - Agosh
Waking up : Subah ho gayi Mamoo - One of the blasted Munnabhai films
Average day: Yaara seeli seeli - Lekin
First date: Ishq hua - Aaja Nachle
Falling in love: Unchained Melody - Righteous Brothers
Love scene: Wonderful Tonight - Eric Clapton
Fight scene: Shut up, just shut up, shut up! (by I don't know who)
Breaking up: Judaa ho ke bhi tu mujh mein kahin baaki hai - Jal
Getting back together: Bring me to life - Evanescence
Secret love: Mera padhne mein nahi laage dil - Kora Kaagaz
Life's okay: Haal Chaal thik thak hain - Mere Apne
Mental breakdown: Maula mere, le le meri jaan - Chak De
Driving: Thandi hawa, yeh chandni suhani - Jhumroo
Learning a lesson: Bad Day - Daniel Powter
Deep thought: Laaga chunari mein daag - Manna Dey
Flashback: Woh shaam, kuch ajeeb thi - Khamoshi
Partying: (for some weird reason) The Birdie Dance
Happy dance: Move Your Body - Johnny Gaddar
Regretting: Turn Back Time - Aqua
Long night alone: Midnight Bottle - Colbie Calliat
Death scene: Zindagi kaisi hai paheli - Anand
Closing credits: Yeh Hai Meri Kahani - Zinda
Actually, it was rather fun coming up with this. So I'm going to tag all those I like, too. :) Here goes. I tag:
1) The Gentle Whisperer (this time, no forgetting you!)
2) The Overated Outcast (please humour me, you...)
3) Ess, of Idle Mind fame (What the hell, you're idle anyway, aren't you?)
4) Chandni (I'll be crushed if you don't follow suit)
5) G@k (I love bothering you)
6) Pooky (To save you the effort of penning your thoughts)
7) And anyone else who feels aptly jobless as I do, at the moment.
Sunday, April 20, 2008
Kalyug is...
1) A five year old calling another five year old a chootiya.
2) The second five year old retaliating with a 'tera baap chootiya', in protest.
3) A person saying he'd exchange his mother for the Delhi Darbar cook. The food's THAT delicious, or so it seems.
4) Sending your parents to old age homes, so that you can live in their flat for free.
5) Schoolkids having designer uniforms that include minuscule skirts.
6) A fourteen year old girl flushing her love child down the toilet.
7) Paying Rs. 85 for a glass of chhas
8) Asking around who Narayan Murthy is
9) People taking out the time to wonder why Farah Khan's husband is younger than her
10) Thinking Rahul Gandhi has his father's good looks
11) Bargaining over a potted plant worth Rs. 10
12) Himesh Reshammiya winning music awards
13) Kajol, Ajay Devgan and that hag of a Tanuja judging a reality dance show
14) Actually thinking that Kajol and Ajay Devgan were less haggier than Tanuja
15) Khali getting newspace with his GIANT presence.
16) Girls swooning over the news that Salman Khan might get married to that dumb bitch, Katrina.
17) People breaking up relationships of 8 years, just for some short term fun.
18) Swapping life partners for exotic varieties in sex.
19) Killing your father and burying him in the same house you're coveting.
20) A jilted girl making arrangements for an acid attack
21) Playing "Hum yeh loongi uthati, tum ko disco dikhati" song for Ganpati festival.
22) Not being able to afford a flat in Mumbai anymore.
23) Driving drunk and running over a few people, but still getting bail
24) Literature students not knowing the difference between their / they're / there. Really, it's NOT that hard.
25) Going to class drunk.
* Depressed *
2) The second five year old retaliating with a 'tera baap chootiya', in protest.
3) A person saying he'd exchange his mother for the Delhi Darbar cook. The food's THAT delicious, or so it seems.
4) Sending your parents to old age homes, so that you can live in their flat for free.
5) Schoolkids having designer uniforms that include minuscule skirts.
6) A fourteen year old girl flushing her love child down the toilet.
7) Paying Rs. 85 for a glass of chhas
8) Asking around who Narayan Murthy is
9) People taking out the time to wonder why Farah Khan's husband is younger than her
10) Thinking Rahul Gandhi has his father's good looks
11) Bargaining over a potted plant worth Rs. 10
12) Himesh Reshammiya winning music awards
13) Kajol, Ajay Devgan and that hag of a Tanuja judging a reality dance show
14) Actually thinking that Kajol and Ajay Devgan were less haggier than Tanuja
15) Khali getting newspace with his GIANT presence.
16) Girls swooning over the news that Salman Khan might get married to that dumb bitch, Katrina.
17) People breaking up relationships of 8 years, just for some short term fun.
18) Swapping life partners for exotic varieties in sex.
19) Killing your father and burying him in the same house you're coveting.
20) A jilted girl making arrangements for an acid attack
21) Playing "Hum yeh loongi uthati, tum ko disco dikhati" song for Ganpati festival.
22) Not being able to afford a flat in Mumbai anymore.
23) Driving drunk and running over a few people, but still getting bail
24) Literature students not knowing the difference between their / they're / there. Really, it's NOT that hard.
25) Going to class drunk.
* Depressed *
Thursday, April 10, 2008
Surviving a near-death experience
Disclaimer: For once in her life, the author is describing the scene, just as it has occured. No part of this scene has been fabricated for creative emphasis.
"Seriously! No, I can't do this," she yelled.
"Of course you can!" he assured her.
"Do something...DO SOMETHING! Don't make me do this, please..." she screamed, a little too loud this time.
"Ms. Reddy, you have to calm down. We'll be through with this soon," he tried his best to pacify her.
"How can I calm down? It's going to hurt me!" she practically sobbed.
"Hurt it will, but just for a little bit. Then you're going to have something lovely for the rest of your life!" he soothed her.
After about ten minutes, he put everything together that was required to make this a successful operation. In the meantime, she was sobbing to herself and nursing all inhibitions and fears.
"Come Ms. Reddy. We're almost ready," he beckoned her.
She reluctantly sat onto the seat as he instructed her to, almost in a half lying down position.
"Here, put your feet onto this thing here, yes, here, " he instructed. "And are you comfortable with the back of the seat?"
"Yes," she replied, her voice quivering with fear.
"Alright, now just do as I tell you. All you have to do is follow instructions. And take deep, long breaths. Ok, so far?" he said, his face intent.
"Yes."
"Good, now spread the legs a little more...Good, that should do it," he said, patting her on her back. "All set?"
"Yes," she said, meekly.
"Great, now push!" he said, with enthusiasm.
"NO! I just can't....," she sobbed, with the blinding pain within her.
"You have to! Go on, PUSH!" he almost yelled.
"I...can't...I don't th..think...I can...," she cried, tears running down her cheeks.
"COME ON, PUSH HARDER! You're just not trying hard enough!" he said, almost screaming at her.
"GOD! This is hurting...FUCK, I can't take it...Make it stop! MAKE IT STOP!" she pleaded, weak with the pain.
"There there, almost done. You're doing fine! Now push one last time. PUSH!" he encouraged.
"I am...I really am....But...I don't think I can go on now," she wept, almost unable to get the words out coherently.
"You don't have to worry, because we're done! Congratulations, Ms. Reddy. We're all really proud of you," he beamed.
"Can I go home now?" she asked, her face all sweaty and her legs still quivering.
"You may. Just go lie down for sometime," he said. "And take care!"
"I will," she beamed. "Thank you."
Location: Talwalkars' Gymnasium, IC Colony, Mumbai.
Models: Instructor Abhishek and gymmer Ms. Reddy.
Reason for hullabaloo: Lifting 50 pounds with legs, 10 times.
"Seriously! No, I can't do this," she yelled.
"Of course you can!" he assured her.
"Do something...DO SOMETHING! Don't make me do this, please..." she screamed, a little too loud this time.
"Ms. Reddy, you have to calm down. We'll be through with this soon," he tried his best to pacify her.
"How can I calm down? It's going to hurt me!" she practically sobbed.
"Hurt it will, but just for a little bit. Then you're going to have something lovely for the rest of your life!" he soothed her.
After about ten minutes, he put everything together that was required to make this a successful operation. In the meantime, she was sobbing to herself and nursing all inhibitions and fears.
"Come Ms. Reddy. We're almost ready," he beckoned her.
She reluctantly sat onto the seat as he instructed her to, almost in a half lying down position.
"Here, put your feet onto this thing here, yes, here, " he instructed. "And are you comfortable with the back of the seat?"
"Yes," she replied, her voice quivering with fear.
"Alright, now just do as I tell you. All you have to do is follow instructions. And take deep, long breaths. Ok, so far?" he said, his face intent.
"Yes."
"Good, now spread the legs a little more...Good, that should do it," he said, patting her on her back. "All set?"
"Yes," she said, meekly.
"Great, now push!" he said, with enthusiasm.
"NO! I just can't....," she sobbed, with the blinding pain within her.
"You have to! Go on, PUSH!" he almost yelled.
"I...can't...I don't th..think...I can...," she cried, tears running down her cheeks.
"COME ON, PUSH HARDER! You're just not trying hard enough!" he said, almost screaming at her.
"GOD! This is hurting...FUCK, I can't take it...Make it stop! MAKE IT STOP!" she pleaded, weak with the pain.
"There there, almost done. You're doing fine! Now push one last time. PUSH!" he encouraged.
"I am...I really am....But...I don't think I can go on now," she wept, almost unable to get the words out coherently.
"You don't have to worry, because we're done! Congratulations, Ms. Reddy. We're all really proud of you," he beamed.
"Can I go home now?" she asked, her face all sweaty and her legs still quivering.
"You may. Just go lie down for sometime," he said. "And take care!"
"I will," she beamed. "Thank you."
Location: Talwalkars' Gymnasium, IC Colony, Mumbai.
Models: Instructor Abhishek and gymmer Ms. Reddy.
Reason for hullabaloo: Lifting 50 pounds with legs, 10 times.
Sunday, April 06, 2008
Fun Social Work
The Wiseass was kind enough to give me the link to this site. Now what does it do? Well, firstly, it has this fun vocabulary game which keeps popping out different words at you. All you have to do is, choose its correct meaning from four choices. If you get it right, you end up donating 20 grains of rice to the poor and hungry. And the authenticity of the site stems from the fact that it is a UNO venture. You can check all the statistics and facts. Oh what the hell, just go have fun! :)
P.S. I learnt 13 new words (from which I remember the meanings to one and a half, and donated 2300 grains of rice. Do you see the halo around my head?)
P.S. I learnt 13 new words (from which I remember the meanings to one and a half, and donated 2300 grains of rice. Do you see the halo around my head?)
Friday, March 28, 2008
Watch TV or kill yourself? Tough call!
I'm not going to waste time on a prelude here, and get straight to the point. Why is television so mind-numbingly boring these days? WHAT channel are you supposed to watch when you want to just de-stress? One can't keep watching Discovery and National Geographic all the time. Star World and Zee Cafe has some good stuff (reportedly, not that I watch), but what's the point? I can't just start watching the middle of a sitcom or something and get it. Get it?
I may not the best person to judge television around here, perhaps because I switch it on for leisure, like once a month (unless I'm watching something specific). Unfortunately though, my dad has these phases when he'll annoy the whole house with idle TV watching. These television bouts comprise of him changing channels at the rate of 3 channels/second, while the rest of the house hops on one foot in sheer frustration (at about 13 hops/minute). Last night, when he was at his channel changing best, we came across 300 channels that kept speaking about that silly kid Vandana who fell into the Borewell. Yes, I'm a really big bitch with no sympathy for stupid children who wander far away from home. I never did that. In fact, I did something that deserved wider audiences. I feel on my nose in school once! :-O We were playing a harmless catch-and-cook, when some whore tripped me. And the part of my body that came into contact with the ground first was my nose. I left a bloody trail all across the ground to the first aid office, and I used up three handkerchiefs trying to hold the blood in. Now for a 10 year old me, that was HUGE. And even for the other 10 year olds, let me add. But even then, I didn't notice any army people coming with ice cubes to curb the blood, nor did I see any television crew hanging about me. So what is so special about the-girl-who-lived-against-all-odds-Vandana?
Today's news channels are such, that anything qualifies as news. On a serious note, a two-year-old falling into a borewell for 27 hours and still managing to remain alive is news. But somehow, the cynic in me refuses to see why it was streamed live. Wouldn't a news bulletin suffice? Did nothing else of remote consequence happen in the country? Whatever, I still don't get it. It's ridiculous how all news channels latch onto the most worthless issues and keep ruminating on them for aeons. Laloo Prasad brushing his teeth with a neem twig is captured live, Salman Khan mentioning Aishwarya Rai's name in a byte is spoken about for an hour, Tanushree Dutta being mobbed results in her giving out interviews for over two days (I think she staged the whole thing for publicity), Raju Shrivastava is given space to make banal jokes on a news channel, seriously, what next? Amrita Arora's neighbour wearing pink chuddies will hit headlines? Wait a minute, is it Amrita Arora, or Ahuja? Whatever, to that!
So this is news, huh? Now that's news!
That was just news channels I got off my system. I've recently heard (on a news channel), that countless people are now losing their eyesight. Why? Because of horrifyingly ugly women donning jarring sarees and make-up that would blind a dinosaur. These women are seen on every possible TV channel, that does not telecast news and Cartoon Network. Add to the horrid get up, is shoddy camera work, that makes one wonder if the cameraman was touching himself while the shoot was happening. What's with the constant camera jerks accompanied with CHHANG CHHANG DHAMMMM DHOOOOM music? Beats me. Is that all women do? Dress up like they're going for twenty weddings at once and keep plotting against each other? Oh no. The real nice women are so sweet, that they cloy you. All you want to do by the end of it all is to throw up on the person sitting next to you.
What is one supposed to watch on television for some fun? Movies? Ads? Sports? No. The answer lies thus:
Watch cartoons. Not the stupid I'm-gonna-blow-your-effin'-brains-out-with-my-sharp-shooting-bubblegum kinds, but the cute harmless ones. Like Tom and Jerry. Or Lulu. Or Bugs Bunny. What the hell, even the silliest cartoons are alright. Just stay away from them news channels and soaps, unless you want mashed brains.
Now I'm gonna go and watch some nice movie on my DVD player. Maybe you could do that too. :)
I may not the best person to judge television around here, perhaps because I switch it on for leisure, like once a month (unless I'm watching something specific). Unfortunately though, my dad has these phases when he'll annoy the whole house with idle TV watching. These television bouts comprise of him changing channels at the rate of 3 channels/second, while the rest of the house hops on one foot in sheer frustration (at about 13 hops/minute). Last night, when he was at his channel changing best, we came across 300 channels that kept speaking about that silly kid Vandana who fell into the Borewell. Yes, I'm a really big bitch with no sympathy for stupid children who wander far away from home. I never did that. In fact, I did something that deserved wider audiences. I feel on my nose in school once! :-O We were playing a harmless catch-and-cook, when some whore tripped me. And the part of my body that came into contact with the ground first was my nose. I left a bloody trail all across the ground to the first aid office, and I used up three handkerchiefs trying to hold the blood in. Now for a 10 year old me, that was HUGE. And even for the other 10 year olds, let me add. But even then, I didn't notice any army people coming with ice cubes to curb the blood, nor did I see any television crew hanging about me. So what is so special about the-girl-who-lived-against-all-odds-Vandana?
Today's news channels are such, that anything qualifies as news. On a serious note, a two-year-old falling into a borewell for 27 hours and still managing to remain alive is news. But somehow, the cynic in me refuses to see why it was streamed live. Wouldn't a news bulletin suffice? Did nothing else of remote consequence happen in the country? Whatever, I still don't get it. It's ridiculous how all news channels latch onto the most worthless issues and keep ruminating on them for aeons. Laloo Prasad brushing his teeth with a neem twig is captured live, Salman Khan mentioning Aishwarya Rai's name in a byte is spoken about for an hour, Tanushree Dutta being mobbed results in her giving out interviews for over two days (I think she staged the whole thing for publicity), Raju Shrivastava is given space to make banal jokes on a news channel, seriously, what next? Amrita Arora's neighbour wearing pink chuddies will hit headlines? Wait a minute, is it Amrita Arora, or Ahuja? Whatever, to that!
So this is news, huh? Now that's news!
That was just news channels I got off my system. I've recently heard (on a news channel), that countless people are now losing their eyesight. Why? Because of horrifyingly ugly women donning jarring sarees and make-up that would blind a dinosaur. These women are seen on every possible TV channel, that does not telecast news and Cartoon Network. Add to the horrid get up, is shoddy camera work, that makes one wonder if the cameraman was touching himself while the shoot was happening. What's with the constant camera jerks accompanied with CHHANG CHHANG DHAMMMM DHOOOOM music? Beats me. Is that all women do? Dress up like they're going for twenty weddings at once and keep plotting against each other? Oh no. The real nice women are so sweet, that they cloy you. All you want to do by the end of it all is to throw up on the person sitting next to you.
What is one supposed to watch on television for some fun? Movies? Ads? Sports? No. The answer lies thus:
Watch cartoons. Not the stupid I'm-gonna-blow-your-effin'-brains-out-with-my-sharp-shooting-bubblegum kinds, but the cute harmless ones. Like Tom and Jerry. Or Lulu. Or Bugs Bunny. What the hell, even the silliest cartoons are alright. Just stay away from them news channels and soaps, unless you want mashed brains.
Now I'm gonna go and watch some nice movie on my DVD player. Maybe you could do that too. :)
THIS is what you SHOULD try...
Found this nice 'Visual DNA' test thingy, which makes you choose a picture for every definition they ask you. Makes not enough sense as I say it, but you should go check it. Really. The test isn't very accurate or anything, but the photographs on the site are really beautiful. :)
Enjoy. :)
I'll be in my cocoon when you need me.
Enjoy. :)
I'll be in my cocoon when you need me.
Tuesday, March 25, 2008
Tagging Along!
I was going to grace you people with a big, long post about my birthday (which was GREAT!), but I didn't get around to doing it. Now, it won't make sense to talk about it anymore. I am now 21, so I get over these things faster. :P
Anyhoo, I'm taking up this tag on someone's blog I was reading and methought I'll give it a shot. It's my first time taking up a tag, so please humour me. Also, I shall feel really bad if someone I tag doesn't take it up and ignores me.
Ten things you wish you could say to people right now (without taking their names):
Oh, loads of stuff. But this really ain't the place to do it. :)
I tag:
Anyone who has the time. But specifically, I tag The Wiseass, The White Phoenix, The Silent Entity and The Guru Cool.
Anyhoo, I'm taking up this tag on someone's blog I was reading and methought I'll give it a shot. It's my first time taking up a tag, so please humour me. Also, I shall feel really bad if someone I tag doesn't take it up and ignores me.
Ten things you wish you could say to people right now (without taking their names):
- How come you're never around when I need a hug?
- I really think you are the most fake, sly, pretentious person to ever grace the planet. Kindly do NOT try being cute with me.
- I think you can do better than mope about your loss. Did she even deserve you?
- You are the reason good things happen to me. I just don't ever know, how to say it.
- I wish you'd given me a chance. But perhaps it's a great thing you didn't. That way, I realised what an extremely self-centered and superficial person you are.
- For the umpteenth time, parents isn't pronounced 'pAArAnts'! The same rule applies to 'message'.
- Never mind. I love you too much to keep reminding you about it.
- I may not be a very good writer, but you don't have to keep making it obvious.
- I really am a big girl now. Maybe not as big as I think I am, but not as young as you think I am, either. Leave me be.
- Can I just punch you? And then cuddle you like there's no tomorrow?
- I am scared of most things. That can include lizards, traffic, escalators, the dark, screaming, horror flicks, and most other stuff.
- I am addicted to the internet. I can spend days on the web without coming up with anything productive.
- I socialize on the internet, with adequate discretion.
- I love hanging out with boys. Girls (with the exception of a handful) bore me to no end.
- I am an un-cleanliness freak.
- I hate showering (which does not mean I don't shower regularly).
- I bite my nails and extract blood from the cuticles. This is more of a habit, and certainly not an under-confidence issue.
- I haven't watched TV in the past 1 month.
- I dislike going to people's houses for any reason whatsoever.
- Be able to cook amazingly well, especially butter chicken.
- Get me presents that aren't toys or pink.
- Have a killer sense of humour and have traces of a brain.
- Don't lambaste Harry Potter (or anything for that matter), without even reading the fucking book.
- Eat as messily as I do. People handling knives and forks like they're flowers or something, deserve to die.
- Give me my own space. I don't like explaining myself to anybody.
- Have a bike. Or a Skoda Octavia. Or an Audi.
- Be able to swear well.
- Where the fuck are my slippers?
- Why am I even giving these stupid exams?
- I need to clean my room someday.
- Will anybody hire me even as the resident sweeper?
- I must buy it soon.
- Perhaps I should blog about this.
- Will I ever be a better writer?
- Puked on Darshan, in playgroup.
- Made friends with a long list of people.
- Remained silent on certain occasions when I should've ideally made a big noise.
- Hurt my parents.
- Delayed joining the gym.
- Read 'One Night @ the Call Centre'.
- Bad breath
- Body odour
- Braggarts
- Lack of spunk or intelligence.
- Too much hair.
- The sunset
- Bike rides
- Seeing my name in print
- A warm shower on a long, cold, rainy day.
- Buy a Skoda Octavia with my own money.
- Learn how to play tennis or squash.
- Adopt a child.
- :D
- :|
Oh, loads of stuff. But this really ain't the place to do it. :)
I tag:
Anyone who has the time. But specifically, I tag The Wiseass, The White Phoenix, The Silent Entity and The Guru Cool.
Friday, March 21, 2008
Goodbye, Second Decade!
On the last day of my life's second decade, I'm slightly melancholic. Now I'm all set to enter a milestone year (21, for those having trouble with the math) and I'm feeling slightly weird. I don't know what course the future will take, whether I'll be allowed stupid errors in judgment just because "I'm still a kid". Now it'll be the me in the widely and universally discussed, big bad world. Right. On this note, I take the liberty to reminiscence about a few things. Some fond memories, others, not so fond.
In the past year I have...
Been a friend to as many people as I could, trying to go out of my way to make someone's life a little easier. As of today, I don't think I've purposely turned a deaf ear to someone who wanted me by their side. Forgive me, if I have.
Loved a few people with the depth of my being. In fact, I still love them enough to do anything for them.
Worked for an entire year at a job I barely liked. But worked, nonetheless.
Read quite a few good books, but not as many as I'd liked to have read.
Written very less for a person who wants to take up writing as a career. And written loads of rubbish too.
Realised that Pikachu is the ideal girlfriend ever. Life without her would be a lot less messy, but a lot less amazing fun too. Here's to the only girl I adore to bits *raises 25 vodka shots (she knows why such an extravagant number :P ) *
Taken undue advantage of Doordarshan (I'm renaming him in this post, so stay tuned) and never managed to tell him how much I love him. He's somehow always been a part of all the good things happening in my life, and at most times, responsible for them. I'd be so totally lost without his giant presence. *wink wink*
Met a lot of genuinely nice people in weird places such as the internet (!). They've made me realise that people on the net need not always be dickheads. They can be fatheads too. :p Heehee... Deserving special mention at this precise spot are The Guru Cool, The White Phoenix and The Nicest Geek. Hate to admit this and bloat your already helium-ed egos, but you have made a difference to my life in ways I'd rather not mention. ;)
Joined the gym. And in three months, lost almost 5 kgs. Oh yes, I'm not quitting anytime soon, either.
Learnt how to drive responsibly and safely.
Imbibed a variety of swearwords that refuse to unstick themselves from my brain. :(
Actually had a cellphone review printed in the newspaper. And received compliments for it.
Known what it is like to lose a coveted dream job through no fault of your own.
Studied really less.
Enjoyed college life.
Learnt German enough to identify German words. :(
Shopped a little too much.
Failed to eat a cheesecake. :'(
Realised that this list is never-ending and my faithful readers are going zzzz....
Anyhoo, time to pick up phone calls and open presents. Promise to write if my birthday is eventful. Wish me a happy birthday!! :D
P.S. I think I will rename Doordarshan in my next post. :P
In the past year I have...
Been a friend to as many people as I could, trying to go out of my way to make someone's life a little easier. As of today, I don't think I've purposely turned a deaf ear to someone who wanted me by their side. Forgive me, if I have.
Loved a few people with the depth of my being. In fact, I still love them enough to do anything for them.
Worked for an entire year at a job I barely liked. But worked, nonetheless.
Read quite a few good books, but not as many as I'd liked to have read.
Written very less for a person who wants to take up writing as a career. And written loads of rubbish too.
Realised that Pikachu is the ideal girlfriend ever. Life without her would be a lot less messy, but a lot less amazing fun too. Here's to the only girl I adore to bits *raises 25 vodka shots (she knows why such an extravagant number :P ) *
Taken undue advantage of Doordarshan (I'm renaming him in this post, so stay tuned) and never managed to tell him how much I love him. He's somehow always been a part of all the good things happening in my life, and at most times, responsible for them. I'd be so totally lost without his giant presence. *wink wink*
Met a lot of genuinely nice people in weird places such as the internet (!). They've made me realise that people on the net need not always be dickheads. They can be fatheads too. :p Heehee... Deserving special mention at this precise spot are The Guru Cool, The White Phoenix and The Nicest Geek. Hate to admit this and bloat your already helium-ed egos, but you have made a difference to my life in ways I'd rather not mention. ;)
Joined the gym. And in three months, lost almost 5 kgs. Oh yes, I'm not quitting anytime soon, either.
Learnt how to drive responsibly and safely.
Imbibed a variety of swearwords that refuse to unstick themselves from my brain. :(
Actually had a cellphone review printed in the newspaper. And received compliments for it.
Known what it is like to lose a coveted dream job through no fault of your own.
Studied really less.
Enjoyed college life.
Learnt German enough to identify German words. :(
Shopped a little too much.
Failed to eat a cheesecake. :'(
Realised that this list is never-ending and my faithful readers are going zzzz....
Anyhoo, time to pick up phone calls and open presents. Promise to write if my birthday is eventful. Wish me a happy birthday!! :D
P.S. I think I will rename Doordarshan in my next post. :P
Monday, March 17, 2008
Birthday blues (and reds and blacks and greys and whites!)
So, your Moo is getting exceptionally whiny and jumpy even by normal Mooey standards. This week, we are turning exactly 21 years of age, and we have to celebrate our birthday studying Amitav Ghosh and Robinson Crusoe. Not a good life, this. Quite enough to get even the happiest cow in the world, down!
Add to it, I haven't been able to go shopping (serves me right for excessive shopping throughout the year) and I have nothing to look forward to. Pikachu and Gugu have given me a treat already, with the most wonderful presents in the world. So that's done. My sister hasn't gone shopping for me yet, for "lack of time". *guffaws LOUDLY* And I already know what my mum's giving me (hint: it's NOT a tractor). Ah well, that leaves me intrigued enough only for Doordarshan's present (who needs urgent lessons in subtlety, though). He randomly called me up the other day, and THIS is how the conversation went. And as Dave Barry says, we are not making this up! ;-)
* Cell phone rings *
Me: Hello? What's up, Doordarshan?
Doordarshan (without any ado): Do you like black, white, red or grey?
Me: Good afternoon to you too. Nice weather, no?
Doordarshan: Shut up and answer the question. (Repeats question one).
Me (rather grumpily): Depends on what you're buying. All are good depending on the object it will colour.
Doordarshan: Hmm. Do you like Nike, Reebok or Adidas?
Me (almost jumping happily in manner of Tarzan): Are you buying me shoes? Or gym wear?
Doordarshan (getting irritated with lack of suitable answers): Do you like Nike, Reebok or Adidas?
Me: Nike and Adidas. ARE THEY SHOES?
Doordarshan: Right. Nike and Adidas. Seeya! Bye!
* hangs up*
Hmph. Darned Doordarshan. I'm going crazy wondering what Nike or Adidas thing he's bought me, that is red / black / grey or white. And that's the only present I can expect. Sheeesh. I'm one greedy cow.
:(
Ok this was truly a random post. Like the (highly overrated) compulsive confessor says, I'll give you a more structured post next time. Toodle-oo!
P.S. My birthday's on the 22nd of this month. Wish meeee!
Add to it, I haven't been able to go shopping (serves me right for excessive shopping throughout the year) and I have nothing to look forward to. Pikachu and Gugu have given me a treat already, with the most wonderful presents in the world. So that's done. My sister hasn't gone shopping for me yet, for "lack of time". *guffaws LOUDLY* And I already know what my mum's giving me (hint: it's NOT a tractor). Ah well, that leaves me intrigued enough only for Doordarshan's present (who needs urgent lessons in subtlety, though). He randomly called me up the other day, and THIS is how the conversation went. And as Dave Barry says, we are not making this up! ;-)
* Cell phone rings *
Me: Hello? What's up, Doordarshan?
Doordarshan (without any ado): Do you like black, white, red or grey?
Me: Good afternoon to you too. Nice weather, no?
Doordarshan: Shut up and answer the question. (Repeats question one).
Me (rather grumpily): Depends on what you're buying. All are good depending on the object it will colour.
Doordarshan: Hmm. Do you like Nike, Reebok or Adidas?
Me (almost jumping happily in manner of Tarzan): Are you buying me shoes? Or gym wear?
Doordarshan (getting irritated with lack of suitable answers): Do you like Nike, Reebok or Adidas?
Me: Nike and Adidas. ARE THEY SHOES?
Doordarshan: Right. Nike and Adidas. Seeya! Bye!
* hangs up*
Hmph. Darned Doordarshan. I'm going crazy wondering what Nike or Adidas thing he's bought me, that is red / black / grey or white. And that's the only present I can expect. Sheeesh. I'm one greedy cow.
:(
Ok this was truly a random post. Like the (highly overrated) compulsive confessor says, I'll give you a more structured post next time. Toodle-oo!
P.S. My birthday's on the 22nd of this month. Wish meeee!
Sunday, March 16, 2008
Cleanliness and Godliness? In the same sentence? REALLY?
This was a completely not-very-funny-in-the-joke-sense-but-so-completely-true SMS that I received ages ago:
Democratic differences between
SO fuckin’ true, na? I mean, really! How many times have we seen people on railway tracks at seven in the morning, producing crap patterns in a manner that would befit only a chocolate softee producing machine? RAILWAY TRACKS? Ugh…And I thought puking on a classmate in playgroup was the most disgusting thing ever (erm…I know I shouldn’t be telling you this, but that dirty deed could be credited to me).
I really can’t get over how really DIRTY some people can be. Not only have they not heard of basic cleanliness, but their dearest activity on earth would be in proving to people that they’re ‘Saying NO to Personal Hygiene!’ vehemently. And some others are just plain crude. So to simplify it for you, O Dear Reader, there are the following types of disgusting individuals that are roaming freely about this planet (and without a straitjacket):
Fungus Footed Peeps: Not only do aforementioned folks have horrible smelling feet, but they are fiercely proud of the edge they have over everyone else. Such individuals seem to leave their noses in the butt pocket of their jeans, and conveniently leave them there as long as their feet are smelling. One more habit above mentioned folks seem to inherently possess, is to kick off their shoes they minute they sit down, and spread the joy. Consequentially, they’re surrounded by corpses in the manner of cockroaches dying of a huge hit of ‘HIT’.
The Burp-a-lots: Members of this type of unsocial behaviour generally seem to have either eaten a horse for breakfast, or swallowed a frog with their tea. People with special inclination towards horses give out REALLY loud, continuous burps, with absolutely zero qualms. In fact, they seem to react to their own contributions in a very matter-of-fact, relaxed way, and not letting it upset their newspaper reading sessions in the train or their conversations. Meanwhile, the froggy burps are a law unto themselves. They’re generally a series of small, continuous croaks, and at any minute, you’d expect the person to unfold a really looong tongue and eat up a fly passing through the air.
‘Private’ Scratchers: You’re quietly walking, minding your own business when you suddenly spot this uncle tugging, pulling and rummaging around his crotch like there’s no tomorrow. He’s making enough movement to cuddle an elephant. And it’s no mean feat to violently scratch your crotch AND feel completely unashamed about it.
Unwaxed vixen: Now I’m not endorsing waxing as an activity because it’s fashionable. Nor am I saying you need to do it because hair is something to be ashamed of. But, statistics and surveys (and other things people do to prove a point) have shown that your hair and your feet are the first places where bacteria likes to permanently set up home. Hence, get rid of excess body hair. But quite apart from the usual stuff, don’t you think it’s really gross? All you ‘chic’ women out there wearing capris, skirts, sleeveless tops, boat necks, cowl necks and other assorted blah, GET RID OF THE HAIR FIRST. I really don’t think that looking like Anil Kapoor is on your to-do list, is it?
Nosey diggers: WHAT do people look for, when they’re digging their noses? Missing cutlery? A friend’s address? New lands? But I really don’t think Christopher Columbus found
Now I need to go throw up. So I’m going to go and leave you free to add more categories. Happy barfing! :p
Tuesday, March 11, 2008
These Chinese are Crazy! *Tap tap tap*
THESE were the washing instructions that China sent me with a *blush* bra *blush*I purchased. I'm rather tempted to use it without removing the tag. If ANYONE can make sense out of them, email me. Soon. Thank you.
Well, now that we've got the formal introductions out of the way, I present to you, China's version of HOW TO WASH A BRA, in Chinese English (if you get my drift). Oh yeah, and this is verbatim, except a few irresistible comments made in brackets.
QUALIFIED CERTIFICATE
Product name: Text chest, pants. (Pants?????)
Grade: Excellent grade. (In English, you get an F, my dear)
WASHING SIGNS
Well, now that we've got the formal introductions out of the way, I present to you, China's version of HOW TO WASH A BRA, in Chinese English (if you get my drift). Oh yeah, and this is verbatim, except a few irresistible comments made in brackets.
QUALIFIED CERTIFICATE
Product name: Text chest, pants. (Pants?????)
Grade: Excellent grade. (In English, you get an F, my dear)
WASHING SIGNS
- Please Use The Natural Detergent To Wash Away Dirt (Natural detergent, now what tree does that grow on?)
- Please Not Usage Washer Clean and Dehydrate (I still don't know what this means.)
- Rinse Please Use Soft Scrub Clean Then (For first graders: Arrange the sentence in correct grammatical order).
- Wash Empress Please Instant Orthopedics And Place Cool Place Dry (Hmm...The 'Orthopedics' seem to suggest, that the bra can perhaps double up as knee caps to prevent Osteoporosis. does 'Empress' refer to the Empress of Blandings?)
- Deep Colour Product Please Avoid White OR Shallow Colour Product The Admixture Wash (Yes. Thank you. The weather's pleasant here, too.)
- Prevent Change Colour (Damn! Then why did I buy a colour-changing bra? :( )
- Please Not To Use Salty Sex Bleach (Sheesh. How dumb do you have to be that the company had to specifically TELL you not to use salty sex bleach? You KNOW the sugar-free one's what you're looking for.)
Wednesday, January 30, 2008
I dabble with poetry...And fail parlously.
There was once a girl by the name of Kim
Who was lazy as a mule,
“Why should one have to walk?” she asked,
“I’d rather burn some fuel!”
So that is how she roamed about,
She grew fatter by the day,
She drove to places close to home,
A stone’s throw away.
Driving my dears, is all very well,
But makes you like a lump,
And your favourite picnic spot in the world
Becomes your petrol pump.
Why not use the feet you’ve got,
Why contaminate the air?
You’re spewing dirt all around you,
Do you think that’s fair?
So, you don’t care about the air,
But I presume you care about you?
Walking is healthy, walking is fun
I assure you, it’s rejuvenating too.
So let’s all chuck those cars away
And walk to the grocery store,
Whoever told you fat means “prosperous”
Arrest them for spreading folklore!
Who was lazy as a mule,
“Why should one have to walk?” she asked,
“I’d rather burn some fuel!”
So that is how she roamed about,
She grew fatter by the day,
She drove to places close to home,
A stone’s throw away.
Driving my dears, is all very well,
But makes you like a lump,
And your favourite picnic spot in the world
Becomes your petrol pump.
Why not use the feet you’ve got,
Why contaminate the air?
You’re spewing dirt all around you,
Do you think that’s fair?
So, you don’t care about the air,
But I presume you care about you?
Walking is healthy, walking is fun
I assure you, it’s rejuvenating too.
So let’s all chuck those cars away
And walk to the grocery store,
Whoever told you fat means “prosperous”
Arrest them for spreading folklore!
Friday, December 21, 2007
A Heartfelt Epistle to Everyone on Foot
Dear Pedestrian,
How are you? In good health? Excellent. Because every driver wishes that a fat, juicy, , undisciplined pedestrian should be royally squelched under anyone’s car, but his own. (Why would you think I want anybody to die under my car and ruin the beautifully shining wheel plates? Geez…!)
Anyhoo, I’m taking the trouble to write you this letter, so that you may perhaps see sense and try not to ruin someone’s drive, although goodness knows you don’t deserve it. So dear undisciplined Peddy (can I call you that?), here’s how you need to behave when you’re walking in public.
1. You could try and not think of a main road as the personal space your father gifted you on your 18th birthday. You’re supposed to use a road (ANY road) as a thoroughfare to get to places, so don’t you think you need to EFFIN’ WALK FASTER THAN -0.345 kph/hr?]
2. Us taxpayers are paying taxes out of which the government finances footpaths. Foot path, get it? No? It’s a path you’re supposed to use when you’re making use of your feet to move. Does that ring any bells? Ah, I see the light of recognition in your eyes. So yes, when there’s a footpath, use it unless getting run over isn’t in your to-do list for the day.
3. When you walk, keep all parts of your body to yourself. If your arms and legs are walking in a straight line, why would you keep your butt dangling out? Don’t step out of the house unless all your body parts are properly aligned.
4. Peddy, my dah-ling…Do you hear a buzzing somewhere? No? Perhaps if you’d put that blasted cell phone away, you’d hear me honking my car’s boot out for you to GET OUT OF MY WAY!
5. Ah yes! When you’re walking in a straight line and you suddenly decide to cross the road to meet your neighbour’s pet dog at the other side of the street, you’re supposed to look carefully at cars that are whizzing at you. Since we drivers aren’t known to be mind-readers, kindly don’t expect us to sense what your next move is going to be, unless it involves being mashed up in my car.
6. For those of you happily married, and with kids, I’m sure you want to see them grown up (at least old enough to be able to shave by themselves). Umm yeah, so when you’re out for those beautiful long evening walks with the kids, don’t make them walk towards the side of the road. Of course if you want me to take your kid for a drive screaming and stuck to the bonnet.
And if you still don’t want to heed my kind words, I most sincerely hope that you get a leg or two broken, with treatment at the smelliest government hospital you can find. But do NOT ruin the drive of a good, talented and safe driver. Amen.
Loads of love (or not!),
Moo.
How are you? In good health? Excellent. Because every driver wishes that a fat, juicy, , undisciplined pedestrian should be royally squelched under anyone’s car, but his own. (Why would you think I want anybody to die under my car and ruin the beautifully shining wheel plates? Geez…!)
Anyhoo, I’m taking the trouble to write you this letter, so that you may perhaps see sense and try not to ruin someone’s drive, although goodness knows you don’t deserve it. So dear undisciplined Peddy (can I call you that?), here’s how you need to behave when you’re walking in public.
1. You could try and not think of a main road as the personal space your father gifted you on your 18th birthday. You’re supposed to use a road (ANY road) as a thoroughfare to get to places, so don’t you think you need to EFFIN’ WALK FASTER THAN -0.345 kph/hr?]
2. Us taxpayers are paying taxes out of which the government finances footpaths. Foot path, get it? No? It’s a path you’re supposed to use when you’re making use of your feet to move. Does that ring any bells? Ah, I see the light of recognition in your eyes. So yes, when there’s a footpath, use it unless getting run over isn’t in your to-do list for the day.
3. When you walk, keep all parts of your body to yourself. If your arms and legs are walking in a straight line, why would you keep your butt dangling out? Don’t step out of the house unless all your body parts are properly aligned.
4. Peddy, my dah-ling…Do you hear a buzzing somewhere? No? Perhaps if you’d put that blasted cell phone away, you’d hear me honking my car’s boot out for you to GET OUT OF MY WAY!
5. Ah yes! When you’re walking in a straight line and you suddenly decide to cross the road to meet your neighbour’s pet dog at the other side of the street, you’re supposed to look carefully at cars that are whizzing at you. Since we drivers aren’t known to be mind-readers, kindly don’t expect us to sense what your next move is going to be, unless it involves being mashed up in my car.
6. For those of you happily married, and with kids, I’m sure you want to see them grown up (at least old enough to be able to shave by themselves). Umm yeah, so when you’re out for those beautiful long evening walks with the kids, don’t make them walk towards the side of the road. Of course if you want me to take your kid for a drive screaming and stuck to the bonnet.
And if you still don’t want to heed my kind words, I most sincerely hope that you get a leg or two broken, with treatment at the smelliest government hospital you can find. But do NOT ruin the drive of a good, talented and safe driver. Amen.
Loads of love (or not!),
Moo.
Thursday, December 13, 2007
Die-yet
So ever since the cruel gym has lured me into it’s snare trap, I’ve been given a diet. Now to be fair on the dietician (who’s quite sweet, although hairy and fat. I mean, you wouldn’t expect a dietician to be fat, right? So much for motivation! And I should probably end the narrative in the bracket now, because so far, it’s longer than the actual post. Here goes.) the diet’s pretty alright. Normal breakfast, lunch and dinner routines, minus too many carbohydrates and lots and lots of fruits.
Now when I first got the diet, I was very happy, since it allowed me to eat chicken and fish (in proportionate quantities, hmph), and was pretty much the veggies, etc I normally eat at home. What could be better? So I had to give up on mutton, lamb and pork. Pah! Who needs those anyway? I’m all set to be a fitter, healthier person. I’m above all the worldly temptations like meat and food.
And chocolates.
And cakes.
And Tang.
And butter chicken. *gulp*
And mutton kheema from Koolar. *wipes eyes*
And masala papads.
And veg hakka noodles with chicken cooked in red meat. *help!*
And chewing gum.
And Parle G biscuits.
And beef (cooked by Chris’ mum).
And butter nan, lachha paratha, butter rotis.
And milk with sugar.
And coconut chutney.
And a gazillion other things that I took for granted in my entire lifetime. So if you have any sense, stay fat, let those love handles poke out of your t-shirt, your butt crack ooze out of your jeans and eat all you want. At most you’ll die 30 years earlier, but who wants to live those extra years moping about the food you could have eaten? Plus, there are a lot of stores that sell clothes ranging from size XXXL to XXXXXL and other Roman numbers.
And yeah, kindly don’t let my mum read this post. I bet she won’t see the wisdom nor the humour behind it.
*checks watch and rushes because she’s late for gym*
Thursday, November 29, 2007
An SMStolary story....
“jst came bck 4m wrk out. wil showr n buzz u. tc.”
“ok. cal soon. hav to tel u smthng.”
“bck. feelng gr8 now. Wats up?”
“dhruv n shamila getng marrid!!! finaly nt w8ing 4 parnts prmissn. Wild na?”
“wat!!!!!!!! shit! Dhruv mad kya? Shamila’s parnts will murdr both. d marrge wil wrk only if dey move out of d cntry. lol.”
“i knw ya. tried teling dem. neway, d big day’s this weeknd. Cm to court, k? smal party aftr d rgistratn. I gtg nw. seeya satrdy. *hugs*
------- xoxox -------
“dhru & sham fckin eloping! pia msgd. Satrdy weding. u cn close dat mouth nw! :D”
“i cnt blve dis. u takng my case kya?”
“na na. honest. Strday aa jana. maja ayenga. seeya”
------- xoxox -------
“D mst bizar thng has happ. sid (d guy in my bldg) sez
“wat d fck? R u sure? Wil kil u if dis is a joke…”
“arey ma kasam. go chck na. dnt kil me. :)”
------- xoxox -------
“Man, u rock. Thnks so mch. D bitch was planng to run away ystrdy. Tld my folks n dey tld hers.
They’ve lockd her up. Frnticaly lookng 4 grooms now. Thnks agn. U savd evrythng. wil cal u latr.”
------- xoxox -------
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