Tuesday, March 11, 2008

These Chinese are Crazy! *Tap tap tap*

THESE were the washing instructions that China sent me with a *blush* bra *blush*I purchased. I'm rather tempted to use it without removing the tag. If ANYONE can make sense out of them, email me. Soon. Thank you.

Well, now that we've got the formal introductions out of the way, I present to you, China's version of HOW TO WASH A BRA, in Chinese English (if you get my drift). Oh yeah, and this is verbatim, except a few irresistible comments made in brackets.

QUALIFIED CERTIFICATE

Product name: Text chest, pants. (Pants?????)

Grade: Excellent grade. (In English, you get an F, my dear)

WASHING SIGNS

  • Please Use The Natural Detergent To Wash Away Dirt (Natural detergent, now what tree does that grow on?)
  • Please Not Usage Washer Clean and Dehydrate (I still don't know what this means.)
  • Rinse Please Use Soft Scrub Clean Then (For first graders: Arrange the sentence in correct grammatical order).
  • Wash Empress Please Instant Orthopedics And Place Cool Place Dry (Hmm...The 'Orthopedics' seem to suggest, that the bra can perhaps double up as knee caps to prevent Osteoporosis. does 'Empress' refer to the Empress of Blandings?)
  • Deep Colour Product Please Avoid White OR Shallow Colour Product The Admixture Wash (Yes. Thank you. The weather's pleasant here, too.)
  • Prevent Change Colour (Damn! Then why did I buy a colour-changing bra? :( )
And this is my favourite:
  • Please Not To Use Salty Sex Bleach (Sheesh. How dumb do you have to be that the company had to specifically TELL you not to use salty sex bleach? You KNOW the sugar-free one's what you're looking for.)
Wow. I *big red heart* the Chinese. :)

14 comments:

the white phoenix said...

hahahhahahaha ... You made my day lady.
But the post left me wondering - Have the chinese penetrated our undergarmenst market too. I still haven't seen a chinese undie ( or maybe i never looked for one)

So am i out of sync with the current trends ( read buy chinese undies with awesome instruction tabs)? If not then what were you thinking Moo???

The Shmoo said...

stupid noodles X-(
I bet they used Google Translate..

Nice one :D I'm all super happy now..

WiseAss said...

Please fancy bra person update cool place dry blog no sunlight daily.
Trust made in china tag empress take bath.

Anonymous said...

I really dont understand, how did u end up reading instructions. Funy funny post by a funny funny little mooo.

: )

Keep Blogging

@Zander

Moo said...

@the white phoenix

If you go to an underwear store and ask for jockey, me don't thinks you're going to get Chinese stuff there.

Wai so dum, yoo? :P

@ The Shmoo,

The Google Translate is a HUGE possibility. :D Or maybe Google Translate is run by a Chinese person.

@Wiseass

Hmm... I understand saying you what no. Bin bath take no like ich.

@ Zandy poo,

Well, I have an uncanny knack of doing trivial things. THIS time, it was of some consequence. :D

@ all

Keeeeep visiting!! :D

Anonymous said...

Hehehehehe... Real funny blog. But most of the credit goes to the Chinese. Anyways, keep on writing & we'll keep on reading.

Bharat said...

yeah...i'd go with google translate too. but that stll doesn't explain salty sex bleach. now what in heaven was that?

Anonymous said...

Hmm well there are fewpossibilities

1) Are the Moo cowey really high on grass.

2) This is just your way of making India feel 'still there is lot of time before the call centre industry moves to china so guys plz cheer up' and i appreciate your efforts for doing so and i have no problem with people bluffing around me in this case for the good of the society.

4) Well natural detergent makes lot of sense. I think they are asking you to buy a brand called Natural which lives up to the quality standards and yeah empress is the name of the 'Bra' i would really love to a buy bra with a brand named Empress

Feel like writing a lot more :(
Manoj

Anonymous said...

Are you the Moo really high on grass is what i wanted to say and i wrote some point numbered 3 but it somehow got lost while sending don't ask me how :(
-Manoj

You know damn right :p said...

I think i deserve some credit cause i sent you underwear shopping (kinda) plus the fussy bitch that i am made you hunt for shit and if it weren't for that you wouldn't have discovered that China's spreading its legs (*winks*) in the underwear market too :)

Really hope you've gotten me one such message-wala undie to pin up on my wall :p

*needs new stuff anyway cause laughter induced pee ruined the existing ones :)
. . .awaits Friday eagerly*oolszimp

Mugger Much said...

The final word, as happens so often, must belong to Monty Python:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=04QoA44c23A

Suki said...

Hahahaah! WHAT an intro to your blog(over from Mad Momma's space).

New Market, Kolkata sold me a Thai/Korean made bra saying it was a C. It turned out to be an A.
But I missed out on the English and label, so it doesn't even have memento value!

:sniffle sniffle:

mistercrowley said...

bwahahahahahhahaha.....

I loved the "Salty Sex Bleach" bit.....

Plain Vanilla Designs said...

Its hilarious:) But what were you doing, reading those instructions in the first place, really?