Watch TV or kill yourself? Tough call!

I'm not going to waste time on a prelude here, and get straight to the point. Why is television so mind-numbingly boring these days? WHAT channel are you supposed to watch when you want to just de-stress? One can't keep watching Discovery and National Geographic all the time. Star World and Zee Cafe has some good stuff (reportedly, not that I watch), but what's the point? I can't just start watching the middle of a sitcom or something and get it. Get it?

I may not the best person to judge television around here, perhaps because I switch it on for leisure, like once a month (unless I'm watching something specific). Unfortunately though, my dad has these phases when he'll annoy the whole house with idle TV watching. These television bouts comprise of him changing channels at the rate of 3 channels/second, while the rest of the house hops on one foot in sheer frustration (at about 13 hops/minute). Last night, when he was at his channel changing best, we came across 300 channels that kept speaking about that silly kid Vandana who fell into the Borewell. Yes, I'm a really big bitch with no sympathy for stupid children who wander far away from home. I never did that. In fact, I did something that deserved wider audiences. I feel on my nose in school once! :-O We were playing a harmless catch-and-cook, when some whore tripped me. And the part of my body that came into contact with the ground first was my nose. I left a bloody trail all across the ground to the first aid office, and I used up three handkerchiefs trying to hold the blood in. Now for a 10 year old me, that was HUGE. And even for the other 10 year olds, let me add. But even then, I didn't notice any army people coming with ice cubes to curb the blood, nor did I see any television crew hanging about me. So what is so special about the-girl-who-lived-against-all-odds-Vandana?

Today's news channels are such, that anything qualifies as news. On a serious note, a two-year-old falling into a borewell for 27 hours and still managing to remain alive is news. But somehow, the cynic in me refuses to see why it was streamed live. Wouldn't a news bulletin suffice? Did nothing else of remote consequence happen in the country? Whatever, I still don't get it. It's ridiculous how all news channels latch onto the most worthless issues and keep ruminating on them for aeons. Laloo Prasad brushing his teeth with a neem twig is captured live, Salman Khan mentioning Aishwarya Rai's name in a byte is spoken about for an hour, Tanushree Dutta being mobbed results in her giving out interviews for over two days (I think she staged the whole thing for publicity), Raju Shrivastava is given space to make banal jokes on a news channel, seriously, what next? Amrita Arora's neighbour wearing pink chuddies will hit headlines? Wait a minute, is it Amrita Arora, or Ahuja? Whatever, to that!

So this is news, huh? Now that's news!

That was just news channels I got off my system. I've recently heard (on a news channel), that countless people are now losing their eyesight. Why? Because of horrifyingly ugly women donning jarring sarees and make-up that would blind a dinosaur. These women are seen on every possible TV channel, that does not telecast news and Cartoon Network. Add to the horrid get up, is shoddy camera work, that makes one wonder if the cameraman was touching himself while the shoot was happening. What's with the constant camera jerks accompanied with CHHANG CHHANG DHAMMMM DHOOOOM music? Beats me. Is that all women do? Dress up like they're going for twenty weddings at once and keep plotting against each other? Oh no. The real nice women are so sweet, that they cloy you. All you want to do by the end of it all is to throw up on the person sitting next to you.

What is one supposed to watch on television for some fun? Movies? Ads? Sports? No. The answer lies thus:

Watch cartoons. Not the stupid I'm-gonna-blow-your-effin'-brains-out-with-my-sharp-shooting-bubblegum kinds, but the cute harmless ones. Like Tom and Jerry. Or Lulu. Or Bugs Bunny. What the hell, even the silliest cartoons are alright. Just stay away from them news channels and soaps, unless you want mashed brains.

Now I'm gonna go and watch some nice movie on my DVD player. Maybe you could do that too. :)