Friday, March 28, 2008

Watch TV or kill yourself? Tough call!

I'm not going to waste time on a prelude here, and get straight to the point. Why is television so mind-numbingly boring these days? WHAT channel are you supposed to watch when you want to just de-stress? One can't keep watching Discovery and National Geographic all the time. Star World and Zee Cafe has some good stuff (reportedly, not that I watch), but what's the point? I can't just start watching the middle of a sitcom or something and get it. Get it?

I may not the best person to judge television around here, perhaps because I switch it on for leisure, like once a month (unless I'm watching something specific). Unfortunately though, my dad has these phases when he'll annoy the whole house with idle TV watching. These television bouts comprise of him changing channels at the rate of 3 channels/second, while the rest of the house hops on one foot in sheer frustration (at about 13 hops/minute). Last night, when he was at his channel changing best, we came across 300 channels that kept speaking about that silly kid Vandana who fell into the Borewell. Yes, I'm a really big bitch with no sympathy for stupid children who wander far away from home. I never did that. In fact, I did something that deserved wider audiences. I feel on my nose in school once! :-O We were playing a harmless catch-and-cook, when some whore tripped me. And the part of my body that came into contact with the ground first was my nose. I left a bloody trail all across the ground to the first aid office, and I used up three handkerchiefs trying to hold the blood in. Now for a 10 year old me, that was HUGE. And even for the other 10 year olds, let me add. But even then, I didn't notice any army people coming with ice cubes to curb the blood, nor did I see any television crew hanging about me. So what is so special about the-girl-who-lived-against-all-odds-Vandana?

Today's news channels are such, that anything qualifies as news. On a serious note, a two-year-old falling into a borewell for 27 hours and still managing to remain alive is news. But somehow, the cynic in me refuses to see why it was streamed live. Wouldn't a news bulletin suffice? Did nothing else of remote consequence happen in the country? Whatever, I still don't get it. It's ridiculous how all news channels latch onto the most worthless issues and keep ruminating on them for aeons. Laloo Prasad brushing his teeth with a neem twig is captured live, Salman Khan mentioning Aishwarya Rai's name in a byte is spoken about for an hour, Tanushree Dutta being mobbed results in her giving out interviews for over two days (I think she staged the whole thing for publicity), Raju Shrivastava is given space to make banal jokes on a news channel, seriously, what next? Amrita Arora's neighbour wearing pink chuddies will hit headlines? Wait a minute, is it Amrita Arora, or Ahuja? Whatever, to that!

So this is news, huh? Now that's news!

That was just news channels I got off my system. I've recently heard (on a news channel), that countless people are now losing their eyesight. Why? Because of horrifyingly ugly women donning jarring sarees and make-up that would blind a dinosaur. These women are seen on every possible TV channel, that does not telecast news and Cartoon Network. Add to the horrid get up, is shoddy camera work, that makes one wonder if the cameraman was touching himself while the shoot was happening. What's with the constant camera jerks accompanied with CHHANG CHHANG DHAMMMM DHOOOOM music? Beats me. Is that all women do? Dress up like they're going for twenty weddings at once and keep plotting against each other? Oh no. The real nice women are so sweet, that they cloy you. All you want to do by the end of it all is to throw up on the person sitting next to you.

What is one supposed to watch on television for some fun? Movies? Ads? Sports? No. The answer lies thus:

Watch cartoons. Not the stupid I'm-gonna-blow-your-effin'-brains-out-with-my-sharp-shooting-bubblegum kinds, but the cute harmless ones. Like Tom and Jerry. Or Lulu. Or Bugs Bunny. What the hell, even the silliest cartoons are alright. Just stay away from them news channels and soaps, unless you want mashed brains.

Now I'm gonna go and watch some nice movie on my DVD player. Maybe you could do that too. :)


G@K said...

Just as I was gonna come up with a solution to ur dilemma, you came up with it urself. Watch animax, is my suggestion! Better than Cartoon Network, with those silly kiddy cartoons.

avani said...

"I FEEL on my nose" :P
- Ms.I make no typos.

*calms self*

Coming back to the whole TV thing... sure cartoons are nice but some can be insanely annoying like Noddy (i mean can he die already?)and that bitch of a DOREMON* (like adding "mon" doesn't make you cooler you piece of crap)

Rubbish trivia my TV illiterate friend:
*is a stupid blue cat with like these magic gadgets and shit and lives with this ass called Nobita who incidentally has a really irritating voice.
In short its a pretty pointless show.

To be noted. .this bias is not cause I'm fiercely loyal towards Pokemon and Bey blade
(What the heck though.. My shows RULE! :D)

PS: Whatever happened to the good old days of coming back from school and watching Richie Rich and Timeless Tales :)
* reminisces *

Mynie said...

Hey! this is the first time i'm reading your blog. I find it hilarious. Really! Got the link of gentle whisper's blog.
Oh, by the way, I'm going to be a journalist in about two month's time after i graduate and I totally agree with what you talk of the morons on TV who claim to "we'll get news for you, WHATEVER it takes". I can get stories like the Vandana one in my bloody stinking backyard! Don't have to try too hard for that. I am dreading my entry into the media after witnessing all this frenzy every day and night.
Anyway, great post. Keep it up.

Moo said...

@ G@k,

I am heavily prejudiced against anime or manga or whaddayacallit. Those ever-twinkling eyes give me the heebeejeebies. :P I think the best fucking solution ever is, SAY NO TO TELEVISION. :p

@ Avani,

I make ONE typo against your twenty. So shut the fuck up. FUCK! I loved Timeless Tales and Richie Rich tooooo. NO ONE else I know had even heard of Timeless Tales, the fools. As for Richie Rich, I'd seen every bloody episode about 200 times. :D

* hit by a HUGE wave of nostalgia *

Moo said...

@ Mynie,

Thanks so much! Do keep visiting. And as a future journalist, I do hope we find better news to watch on the channels. :) All the best to you, though. And no pressure. ;)

Anonymous said...

Certainly i should say thats the News channels have gone for a toss.

Try watching Travel AND living, for sports I watch sportscenter.

AH cartoons my fave they rock my world, I have some CD's you wanna come over we could watch it and DO HAHHAHAHHAH HHUUHUHUHUH HHAHAHAH

@ Zander

G@K said...

@ Moo

Don't you dare talk against anime. It's a hundred times better dan ur stupid Richie Rich. And if u r making dat judgment on the basis of Pokemon and Beyblade (or Dragonball Z for that matter), don't, as they hardly qualify as anime.
I rather be hit with a stale fish than nostalgic times of watching Richie Rich. :D

Gentle Whispers said...

Hmmm.. Kill yourself?????????

Kidding of course. ;)

Gentle Whispers said...

I apologise for not putting in a more profound comment but all this studying has caused my brains to melt.

12 days of torture.

*lets gloom set in and wanders off*

chandni said...

Animal Planet. Nat Geo.

Watch already!

wolf counsellor said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
wolf counsellor said...

i feel sorry for u! i think somebody should have informed those news channel people (btw were there any when u fell?)

avani said...

Heyy again!

Ermm.. what exactly does Zander mean when he asked you if you wanted to go over watch cartoons and "DO" ??
*suspicious* (VERY)

Over Rated said...

Zee Cafe and Star world have kinda lost it too ... I can't watch those endless reruns of Friends ..... The answer lies in the greatest invention since sliced bread .. you tube .... and cartoons ... plz .... when i have to watch shin chan because of my nephew .. a part of me dies each time ....

ess said...

I'm totally with you on the anime. The animation is poor and the stories are crap.
And yes, kids falling into borewells, ministers brushing teeth with neem twigs and jokes are breaking news. This is the 21st century. Deal with it (which is what the news channels would have you believe :D)
Just stick to the classics. I can never tire of Tom & Jerry and Bugs. (the original ones from the 40's and 50's. God, I sound like some senile old guy).

Essji said...

Anime rules over ur crappy favs netime! sharp shooting bubblegum's way better thn sum dumb nri dj. oh wait,who we talkin bout again? richie rich or rishi rich? Im confused now.... :(

the mad momma said...

LMAO. Yes- where are the parents of these kids who fall into wells. and why is it that i have only recently heard of this phenomenon?!

and yes - DONT WATCH TV. Let's start a weird cult thing. oh wait -the Amish got there first. oh well... lets join them.

glad you commented. followed you back and had a blast. with you on Manga and Anime. It drives me nuts. regards to your mom again :)

G@K said...


Hisssss!!! Though I like Tom and Jerry too, plz dnt diss anime widout even watching real anime. Try watching Ghost in the shell (if you can get your head around it). And if you still think da animation and stories are each one their own!