Wednesday, October 24, 2007

Abuzz with Activity!

Yeah well. My work inbox is finally getting some useful, work-related emails. I hope I’ve left behind the days when my inbox said ‘No mails? You can always read Google News!’, because I don’t think there’s anything more humiliating than your inbox telling you what to read.

In other news, I’m happy. Like REALLY happy and stuff. I’m busy doing something constructive, I’m shopping a lot, and this whole Diwali season leaves me feeling really excited and in a looking-forward-to-life mode. Alright, the gifts and the clothes do contribute largely to my happiness, but that’s not all. The winking lights in windows, the lamps, the diyas, people’s last-minute shopping frenzy, the aromas of Diwali sweets wafting through the air and tickling the insides of your nose, everything is so pleasing to the senses that you just don’t want the season to end. And why would you, with all those sales and discounts signs poking you in the eye from all shop windows?

One thing Diwali could do without are those crackers, though. I mean, really, I insist on doing without a dilating heart, thank you so very much. So many time, you’re trying to savour the fluffy, delicious, karanji you’re mum gave you, and the minute you try sinking your teeth into it BOOM BOOOM CRACK! go the fireworks. So all you’re left with it is lots of smoke creeping into your window, an untouched karanji and a badly bitten tongue. And what do you achieve with all that noise and smoke, anyway? C’mon, it can’t make you happy!

In other news, my friend Doordarshan just came back from a small trip to Delhi. Although there’s no news peg to that, you’ll have to wait till I give you the gory details. Here’s a small digression, though. Doordarshan’s sister is like a really hotshot CA, and she goes to a new place in the world once a month or so (for work she says, HAH!). So far she’s been to bizarre places like France, Belarus (who the fuck gets to go there?), Italy, Germany, Switzerland, US (she goes here as often as we go to the loo, sometimes, even more!), Hong Kong, China, Pattaya, and a thousand other places it hurts me to name. I’ve tried to get her to get me in as her chambermaid or chaperone or anything else starting with ‘cha’, but things don’t look good. Anyway, the detour to the story ends here.

Well, this sister of Doordarshan’s decided to take him to Delhi this last weekend (because she was assigned a place in India, for once). So off went Doordarshan, waddling with his backpack and hopping onto a flight to New Delhi. Ok, I’m not concerned about that either. What I don’t get is, why he gets to live at the Taj Palace Hotel in New Delhi’s Diplomatic Enclave, with a fancy bathtub and bathrooms with transparent doors and springy beds and central air-conditioning. All sponsored by his sister’s workplace. Do you get the gravity of the situation? Do you NOT get the grave injustice that us commoners with non-fancy sisters are subject to? Now I have two sisters. But the only workplace privileges they’ve offered me is a pen and an Akbarally’s gift voucher (the pen didn’t work beyond 3 days and I never claimed the voucher). And here are people who have privileges to go live in the Taj (in rooms that cost Rs. 16,000 per day, let me add) and are loving enough to take their kid siblings along. ‘Nuff said. I will cease ranting about that and let the tears flow in silence. Sniff.

In totally other news, Snooty is out on a junket in Malaysia. (Seriously, what is with people and paid trips to fancy places?) and I can’t wait for him to come back. Why? Because he’s promised me an exhaustive road test of the new Hyundai Getz somewhere in Churchgate. And if this time I can’t go, I might as well slit my wrists. Believe you me, I WILL. And Snooty’d better come back soon now because my phone is used to the constant beeping and vibrating with the messages. The silence is killing me. Oh alright, I’m missing him loads. But just don’t tell him, ok?

Hmm….This is turning out to be like a really long post and it’s getting really late on this side of town. So I’m not going to be formal with you, O Dear Reader, and end this without a conclusion. Toodle-oo me hearties! Leave me them comments.

*Abrupt ending*.

Thursday, October 11, 2007

Some things are better left unsaid...

I’m about to publicly display my moments of deviation from what’s considered normal here. Heck, everyone knows about that, so let me rephrase the last sentence. I’m about to publicly admit the level of my abnormality. So here goes.

1. Till yesterday, I wondered what a heritage walk exactly was. Was it a protest march in traditional clothes to preserve your heritage or something?

2. I didn’t know until last week, that ‘getting up from the wrong side of the bed’ was actually a phrase. Yeah, disown me.

3. I came to know last month my phone had software I could edit ringtones with. Yes, and I hope to be the editor of a technology magazine / newspaper someday. Would you try and stop judging me?

4. I also realized that there is this mean, lazy person hidden within me, who doesn’t wish people on their birthday even if it remembers (Not applicable to close friends, though).

5. I never seem to remember the names of both the guys who started Google Inc. This is shameful since I can remember the names of friends’ friends’ friends, who I may have met just once, seven years ago.

6. I am, according to Pikachu, an internet socialite. Nine out of ten people I’ve talked to in my entire life are very close internet buddies.

7. Yes, I am one of those people who keep refreshing their Orkut page after every 30 seconds.

8. I keep losing in Scrabble.

9. My saree came undone on the day of my farewell way back in the 10th std. Thankfully, no one saw my bloomers.

10. I threw up on Darshan when I was in playgroup. That was solely because my teacher thought I wanted to waste time in the loo and didn’t let me go when I asked her very nicely. By the time she did let me go, it was too late, and I threw up on the patch of floor that was closest to me. Darshan was unfortunate enough to set up his dwelling in precisely that patch of tiling and was showered with whatever I had to offer. Since then, he’s never spoken to me (In fact, I’d have no respect for him if he did).

11. I keep asking fellow customers for bigger sizes in t-shirts, pants, etc. at malls. Now how is it my fault if they want to wear the exact pattern of shirts, as the salespeople? And why do I always keep needing bigger sizes and not smaller ones (strictly in clothes, haan)?

12. I am a big loser and I don’t think you need anymore evidence. But if you do, write to me secretly and I’ll furnish you with some more proof.

I’m really bored now. Think I’ll go catch up on some food and drink. You go away, too.

(This post is dedicated to Manoj for no apparent reason.)

Wednesday, October 03, 2007

When the going gets tough...

Ok, so I despise college. Like really loathe it and stuff. But there are some times when the chicas in class are so funny, that you’re actually glad you were around to take back home a happy memory. Here’s one such.

My friend KreePee likes pink stuff. Everything she owns is pink. Her shoes, her bag, her wallet, most of her clothes, her pencil(s), basically any accessory your wild mind can imagine, she has in pink. When opportunity permits, she throws in some Barbie and Ken photos on her pink possessions and proudly shows them off to everyone in class.

Nevertheless, she’s just so adorable at times, that you’d want to hug her till she dies of suffocation. Honest.

Anyway, I keep buying KreePee some random pink stuff when I see it. Like pencils and pens, you know, the works. And she gets so excited over little things, that she won’t even let me touch them; lest they get dirty. Hmph. Anyway, I gave her the mini car that she found in my bag (it came with a chocolate I was eating, I do NOT collect them), and she remembered that she’d got me something as well. Her gift turned out to be a very sweet purple eraser shaped like a bunch of grapes (that smelt like grapes too!), slightly bigger than the vintage toy car I gave her.

Now the kiddies in us woke up with a jolt, and took over all sense of ‘propah’ and ‘non-propah behaviah’! This is what followed. And yeah, don’t judge us. We’re the TYBA English Literature class.

KreePee (placing grape-shaped eraser on toy car roof): You know what Moo? Let’s pretend that the car is transporting the grapes to some place.

Me (liking idea): Yeah yeah, let’s!

KreePee: And let’s not allow anybody to touch the car or the eraser. Kharab kar denge sab.

Me (grinning): Ok babes, whatever you say.

KreePee (straight faced): And if the car gets too tired with the load of the grapes, we can make both sleep side-by-side and continue their journey later.

Me (giggling hysterically): Uh huh, sure! It’s totally your call, Kree!

(Enter Pussycat, another classmate)

Pussycat (squealing with excitement, pointing at the ensemble): WOWWW! What is that?

KreePee (annoyed): Kuch nahi. A car that’s transporting grapes. Don’t disturb it.

Pussycat: Moo, dikha na kya hai. PLEASE! What is it?

Me (handing over the eraser): Le. Mar. Kharab mat karna.

Pussycat (caressing eraser): Oh shooo cute! Hai kya yeh?

Me (with naughty grin): ‘Rubber’ hai.

Pussycat (returning naughty grin): Aila! Why are you roaming around with ‘rubbers’?

(Enter In-DUH-vidual, a third classmate)

In-DUH-vidual (looking at rubber in Pussycat’s hand): Ae show na! Kya hai woh?

Pussycat: Rubber hai, Moo ka. What a nice gal with good habits she is, na?In fact, bahut acchi aadat hai.

Me: Yeah, isn’t it? And this one smells nice too!

In-DUH-vidual (with stupid grin of non-comprehension and smelling the ‘eraser’): Moo, don’t use this rubber. It’s very nice. Save it for a special occasion, na!

Pussycat (shocked): What is this, In-DUH-vidual? How can you just stop people from using rubbers! Dekha Moo? Bas isi mindset ke vajah se aaj India ka yeh haal hai!

I laughed so hard, that I was certain my intestine would come bursting out of me and splatter itself on the wall. Somewhere near my left ear, I heard KreePee spray everyone with a water fountain. Pussycat hi-fived me and burst into a fit of giggles. And as usual, In-DUH-vidual bestowed us with her default stupid grin (that signified she hadn’t understood anything that happened in the past 3 minutes), while we gathered our stuff and waited for the professor to bring us back to the mundaneness of our dreary lives.

Oh ok, so maybe you had to be there. Hmph.