Tuesday, December 23, 2008

Last Christmas, I gave you my heart....

...But the useless readers that you are, you don't even leave me comments these days. Hmph.

YAY! Christmas is here, and tis the season for giving. Now since it's impossible to give all the people I love a present (because I'm broke and miserly), I'm going to be uber cheap and tell them what I'd ideally like to give them. They in turn, can close their eyes and think that they've already received a present from me, or buy it themselves and thank me for it.

So anyhoo. Merry Christmas and a happy new year everyone, and here's your present!

1) Dad - Dear dad, I'm going to gift you a pair of hearing aids, for those umpteen number of times you drive me up the wall by making me repeat everything I say. About. 20,000. Times. Actually, this is more like a present to me. And since you're my favourite guy in the whole world, I'm also going to buy you a Honda Accord like you've always wanted, real soon. Honest! *hugs*

2) Mom - I'm going to give you a sackful of patience and the will to do my bidding. It would most certainly work for you if you didn't tell me to clean my room every single day. But you're also my best buddy, so I'm gonna give you a house by the beach. And I'll be VERY offended if you don't live in it with dad, for at least six months of the year.

3) Sheroo - I'm gonna get you a new leash and a muzzle, and also a library filled with about two million books. You'll never have to complain about having nothing to read, again!

4) The Witty Goldfish - What more could you want, when you have such an amazing sister-in-law like me? Most definitely, those amazing shoes I saw at Nike (as soon as I can afford them. Be patient!)

5) Lammy - A lizard killing spray that annihilates lizards in a radius of 500 feet, and a GRAND wedding with the woman of your choice. Oh oh oh! And how could I forget those pills that cure the "both-feet-in-mouth" disease? I can't believe how thoughtful I am!

6) G@kky - Most definitely, a haircut. Rather, I think I'll gift you a salon, since ONE haircut certainly won't create even a dent in the forest of your hair. Till then, I'll buy you a gaming console of your choice.

7) Tooth - Some sense and loads of peace of mind. Also, a river full of Davidoff Coolwaters and a Tag Heuer watches.

8) Zander - A Hayabusa, whether you want / like / need one or not. Fact of the matter is, I want one with a chauffeur. :P

9) The White Phoenix - A six month paid stint with rehab. People, he's the sole reason the cigarette and alcohol industries are flourishing. Don't believe me? Go read his last post. The nice person in me will also give him a year long supply of Rajdhani tickets and free food at Hard Rock Cafe, so he can pop into Mumbai and visit me whenever he misses me too much.

10) Mika - If wishes were horses, I'd arrange for you to get a scholarship to Vidal Sassoon. So for now, I'm just going to offer you my head and let you do whatever the hell you wanted to do with my hair. Without complaining (Offer exclusive of hair straigtening and colour, thank you very much).

As for me, all you ten people could chip in and buy me a duplex flat on Worli Seaface, and perhaps throw in an Audi on the house (pun unintended) so my garage won't feel empty. In case you're feeling more generous than usual, do feel free to buy me an iPod Classic, a Nike showroom and a Nokia N95. Suggestions are welcome. Do drop me an email.

Thank you for your patience. You are most kind.

*scuttles away*

Saturday, December 20, 2008

Issued in public interest - GET MARRIED IN COURT, YOU DUMBFUCKS!

My sister, Sheroo as she is popularly known in these parts of town, recently got married to the Witty Goldfish, and I want to bash both of them up. Her because she chose to go away leaving me all lonesome on my ownsome, and him, simply because he's the root cause of all evil. :( Now I've no one to pway wif, and no one pull weird faces at during dinner.

The wedding was something I've never seen before, really. That's not saying much, since I've attended about six weddings all my life (including my sister's) and the last one was around eight years ago. Sheroo is very anti-social, and had firmly told my parents that she didn't want the multitude of relatives and the usual fanfare. So she did what every person on the planet should do - get married in court.

We reached court at about 10 am, and we were out by 11.30 or so. Simple, easy and non-messy. There are a few obvious pros and cons to the whole affair, as is natural with all affairs. Let me list them for you (forgive the lists, but I'm a complete lists person):


1) It's quick, easy and convinient.
2) It's so goddamned cheap, that you can fill your entire house with appliances and indulge yourself with a grand honeymoon, JUST with the money you can save with the wedding.
3) You aren't obliged to call people you completely detest, and watch them eat the food YOU'RE paying for.
4) There's no need to wear those ghastly sarees, especially if you're a jeans person.
5) There are no crowds to suffocate you. It can be just immediate family.
6) Since you normally don't get to enjoy the food at your own wedding, this is a cool option. You can simply just go and have lunch with those select few special people who matter.
7) There's no hours and hours of standing on stage with a plastic smile.
8) There's no need to cake your face with layers of bridal make up.


1) The registrar makes you wait for ages, simply because he decides to turn up late.
2) If you're going for a dreamy, romantic wedding, this is the last place you should go to. It's more like getting married in a train.
3) There's hardly any place to sit and click pictures once you're done.

I think that's it with the cons. See? Eight pros and three cons. You have your obvious choice. When I get married, that's what I'm gonna do. Marry in court and then spend three weeks in the Andaman and Nicobar Islands, or maybe Mauritius. Cool no?

Interested parties may email me. Offer valid till interest lasts.


Friday, December 19, 2008

So bored, I'm actually contemplating washing the office loo...

The Fridays after issue closing are the toughest ones to battle. You're supposed to sit around looking all intelligent and busy, when there's absolutely nothing to do, and even lesser inclination to work. The weekend that looms over your head then does not help matters, either. So you end up hitting refresh on your Gmail till the mouse gives up on you, while simultaneously scouting for long lost friends to catch up with over chat (who miraculously are never online when you want to and can talk).

Today is one such utterly frustrating day. My boss isn't around either, and my colleague and I are absolutely at our wit's end on how to pass the time fruitfully. She's Facebooking and Twittering away to glory, but that's losing it's charm too. (On a completely side note, Facebook should come up with something that makes your profile look weirdly interesting, everytime you say refresh. HEY! Don't steal that idea and make millions out it, Mark Zuckerberg!) I'm blogging, and so far this is my third attempt at coming up with an articulate post. Man! I'd prefer the madness of issue closing days to shitty days like these, when you know you could have given a satisfied "after-lunch" burp at home instead, and curled up for an afternoon nap.

Let's see. So far, I've called up mum twice for absolutely no reason, with a cheery, "What are you doing, ma?" To which she tells me what she's been upto, patiently, secretly wondering if her youngest daughter's smoked up. "You're feeling ok, right?" she asks me, very unsure about my mental sanity.

" *giggle* yeah Mom. Don't worry. I love you." I say, and I sign off.

Who to bug next? I pick on Ro, my favourite family member outside my immediate family. I kept telling him to "SAY SOMETHING" even when he was talking, so he finally told me to take a flying one. And now he's gone too. :(

The White Phoenix was sulking with me about something else, and I did not make matters any better by laughing at him. Result? Guess guess. He stopped replying. Seriously, if I continue like this much longer, I won't have any friends or family left. Boohoo! :'(

I also called up Lammy twice in the space of half an hour. One time the guy was out buying eggs I believe, and the other time he was talking to his aunty. Nobody has time for me. Nobody loves me. :(

Now I'm going to go, and play some pictionary online on
http://www.isketch.net/. If you choose to play in office, don't tell anyone I told you about the link. :P Have fun! And have an equally awesome weekend. :D

Thursday, December 18, 2008

Ode to a Lammy

A great day has gone by me, and I'm so afraid of losing it to a tomorrow that might not be as glamorous as today. One thing was completely missing, though. That would be the Lammy's frivolous banter on GTalk.

Lammy is my best f(r)iend in the history of friends (after Mika, obviously, before she bursts a vein). For the past six-seven months that I know him, he's constantly been around to remind me that there can be no one more inquisitive, in-your-face, tiresome and adorable than he is. Like I said, I've known him for a mere seven months now, but it just goes to show that a mere notion like 'time' cannot define what equation you will have with a person. If it clicks, it clicks. If it doesn't, it never will. And that's the golden rule of all relationships.

It's just so queer how used you get to someone's e-presence to get you through the day. He's currently on a two-week leave, for his cousin's wedding, Christmas, etc. and I'm almost clinically depressed at how much I'm going to miss the man. I'm almost repenting for all the times he's cribbed about his office and I've told him to shut up, wishing I'd given him more time while he was around. Now there's hardly anyone interesting to talk to online, and since I don't mix around with my colleagues too much, I think I'll just have to pretend about working, a lot harder than usual. Or perhaps just open a book and start reading when I feel like it (and get sacked, too!).

So Lammy, it's killing me to say this and I'm almost choking, but you'd better get your goofy butt back to work soon. I'm missing all the free rickshaw rides in the morning (my traveling spends have taken a sudden upward turn), the 'have a nice day, you COW' messages when I get off the train, the endless reports on all the hot girls spotted in the day, the sheer disappointment of discovering that I haven't seen a good movie he feels so strongly about, the endless hints, begging and pleading that I dedicate a post to him on my blog (THERE! I hope you're happy now), and the utterly random messages in the middle of a crisis at work. I'm missing it all. :(

Come back soon, Lammy. Work's not the same without you talking nonsense at the other side of the screen. Actually, life's not the same without your madness and friendship. Loadsa love. :)

P.S. Will courier you the exact amount you owe me for this piece. Because, sweetheart, nothing in life is ever free! :P

Tuesday, December 16, 2008

Of 20 hour long issue closings, and sleep well-earned...

It's been 20 hours straight I've been at work, and funnily enough, I'm not as sleepy as I thought I'd be. The world's slightly spinning, yes, and the head is beginning to pound, but what's new about that? We've closed the most wonderful issue of the entire year - an issue I'm going to be so fiercely proud of, that it's not even funny. I'm poured my heart, blood, sweat, sleep, weekend, family time, everything into the past two weeks, because of the issue that's going to be printed tonight, and hitting the stands tomorrow. I almost feel like going to the press and ensuring they don't mess things up.

And before you ask, no, I don't have any bylines in this issue either, nor a whole column to myself. But it doesn't matter at all, when you know you've done your best with your bit, and your bit has been one of the most important ones in the entire process. So would the issue have shut down if I wasn't around for some reason? Of course not. But I know I've made things much easier for everyone around, and things would have been much more difficult if it wasn't for me.

It's nice to know you've done something of consequence.

It's best to know you've earned that peaceful sleep...the kind that takes you to worlds unknown, the minute your head touches your pillow.

Sunday, December 14, 2008

Life's lessons learnt

There's a lot been happening in my life. Some things I can talk about, some things I can't. At least not here. Meet me on the other blog and I might tell you.

Anyway, having a really hectic week at work. There's a lot of stuff planned for the last and final issue of the year, and for once, I'm doing something that contributes to whatever the final product is going to be. I've always given it my best, but somehow I don't think anyone would miss me too much if I were to quit. That's not a very good thought. In fact, it makes me wanna quit at times, but hey! Nobody's going to elevate a junior to a pedestal in any case, are they?

I'm going to make this post about work. Because quite frankly, it's one of the things I really need to talk about. Last Wednesday, I got a "chat" from my boss, where he made me look at things quite differently. Some places, I admit he was a little unreasonable. Places where he expected me to come to work on my sister's wedding day, just because there was closing. In spite of me taking leave for just two days, in the first place. Anyway, he made me feel like a worm, and boy was I seething with anger! I spent almost four days clinically depressed at work, thinking everybody hated me. Entering office became a punishment, I couldn't wait enough for it to become five o'clock, when I could finally leave. I had almost made up my mind to quit on January 1, and get back to studying in June (which I'm going to do in any case). Mum tried to understand me, always trying to dissuade me from taking a hasty decision. Lammy kept telling me to quit if I was that depressed, but to remember that shit like this happened at every job.

Now, a full week and a half later, I think I've calmed down. I don't feel as insulted as I did, earlier. More importantly, I've learned my BIG lesson from the whole episode. That whatever I may think of myself, I'm still a snotty-faced junior in the industry, with infinite things to learn, a ego I must learn to banish and remember that nobody has anything against me, personally. I've also realised I've been a fool to not have understood this a full week earlier, instead of waiting for the blessed 5 pm time. Am I a government employee to watch the clock tick and pack my bags? Hell, no.

Since last Monday, there has been a lot of pressure at work, resulting in 13 hour days, etc. But you know what? Quite apart from the tiredness felt at the end of the day when you hit the sack, there's a certain indescribable feeling about giving it your 100% best and knowing that it was all you could have done in the day. And that's what makes it so worthwhile. So my boss yelled at me...So what? It was because I was not doing things the way I ought to have done. He's also gracious enough to acknowledge a job well done, without a second thought. He's considerate at all times when you're ill (even if it's closing time). At such times too, I'm a junior. But he still gives me the consideration that's due to me. He's impatient and unreasonable at all times, but he's also patient enough to explain why your story can be written in another way, and why you're wrong when you are. And in my mind I'm really lucky to have a boss like that at the beginning of my career, who teaches me not to make rookie mistakes. I learn so much from him, it's not even funny; little tips that are lessons for life. But above everything else, he's a great and ethical human being, so there's never a time when you have to compromise between 'exclusives' and integrity.

My first job has been quite a learning experience. I keep complaining about how I don't get more stories to do, at a time when I need more bylines. About how I'm only doing donkey work, when I do can do the stories the others get to do. But I've been doing a lot of thinking (!) and understood that everyone comes up this way. Nobody starts at the top, and whoever does, is never very successful. That my colleagues who get to certain stories and columns, may not be that much older than me, but know certain things I don't. Either they've been educated in a related field, or been working for about two or three years longer than I have. So basically, I've realised that nobody got it easy. Everyone has started from the bottom, and I have to, too.

Have I been immature in wanting so much out of my first six months at a full time job? Have I been stupid to even for a minute, think I've been victimised? Maybe. But I'm sure glad that I can look at things differently, now. At the onset, I know there will be times when I forget my own goody blog post, and go back to hating everything around me and wishing everyone was shot dead. But then, who doesn't have those times? But I also know I'll calm down and try and extract the good from whatever happens and leave the rest aside. That's why a person has two ears, in the first place.

Lastly, I keep telling myself that I'm not a quitter. That's what I'm bloody well going to prove out of this whole phase. I'll quit when I have to, only because of further education. Not because my boss yelled at me to get my act together. Hah!