Sunday, January 30, 2005

True love...!!!

All the characters in this whatever-you-may-call-it are fictitious. Resemblance to any person living or dead is purely coincidental.

My dear Amrita,

Sigh! Its been so long since I’ve seen your lambent face. I remember every moment I’ve spent with you like its just been yesterday. You know what’s weird? You’ve always known how its been my dream since college, to acquire a high salaried-job abroad. But somehow, now that I have it, I don’t want it. Do you know what I really really want? I want to be with you. I want to give up my job, come back to you, and hold you in my arms. I would never want to let go. Every moment without you makes my heart want to cry out loud. Amu, I’m lonely here. True, that Ajay and Rohit live here with me, but they’re not you. I want you, I need you.

I came across some old photographs today, of the trip we had been to when in college in the first year. Hmmm…I had been to Matheran about five times before that trip, but it was the first time I realized it could be a lover’s paradise. Remember our first kiss? Oh Amrita, I still love you as much as I did back then. Its hard to put in words what I’m feeling at the moment. My heart feels troubled, and what I need right now is you near me, with my head on your lap. You would always pat away my troubles.

Amu, there was always one thing I respected you the most for. I don’t remember if I ever told you this, but I simply love the way you’ve always been focused in life. At first I used to think you were a little prissy, but when I got to know you better, I realized, for you, work always came first before fun. I grew in awe of you, and before I realized it, I had fallen in love. With you. You have always influenced me in a positive way; never letting me call you when we had exams and constantly reminding me to never mix my love life with other important things. It was then that I realized how important it is to have someone inspiring you in life. You’ve inspired me in all the things I’ve done; you’ve imbibed in me the habit of working hard to achieve my goals…let’s just say, you’ve helped me shape my life. Whatever I am today, is because of the support provided by my parents and you. How can I ever thank you?

Amu, I remember each moment of our time spent together vividly, ever since you accepted me as your boyfriend. I’ve always wondered why a girl like you would love a lout like me. When I asked you the same question, you said, “Don’t ask stupid questions, Rishi. If you’ve got nothing better to say to me while we’re together, drop me home this instant. I’d rather read!” God you’re so adorable! I want to kiss you this moment.
Then Amu, what went wrong? You told me to come and meet your parents when I proposed marriage. What was wrong with me? I was well-settled, had a great job, you loved me and you wanted to marry me as well. Oh yes! My caste. How in the world could I forget that? My caste came in the way of what could be a beautiful and successful marriage. Had you married me, would my caste have come in the way of our happiness? How much we wanted this to happen, was pushed under the carpet. But you Amu? I always thought you loved me so much, that you’d elope to become mine forever. I then realized I didn’t know you at all. True, you did love me, but couldn’t go against your parents wishes. That was it. The paradise we had built we had built together for eight years shattered into a million pieces in a matter of three days.

Couldn’t go against your parents wishes. So, you kissing a guy who is not of the same caste is perfectly alright with your parents? Carrying on a relationship for eight years with a guy from a different caste, is ok, right?
Anyway, I haven’t written this to blame you for anything. What had to happen, happened. I have come to terms with the present situation now. But what I cannot bear is, you letting me know of your marriage with some other chap (of not to mention the same caste), through this invitation card you’ve sent me. How could you do it? Wasn’t all that happened bad enough? Do you really want me to come to your wedding? How much more are you going to ruin my life? And does this invitation mean, that you were playing along with my feelings for eight years? What happened to the Amu I fell in love with…the idealistic Amu, who would fight tooth and nail for her principles? You sacrificed me to prove yourself an ideal daughter. Don’t you think you were eight years too late to do that?

Today, in case you bother to remember, is the 9th anniversary of the day I first asked you out. But I guess all this is insignificant to you now. And yeah, I wish you a very happy married life, Amu. But to tell you the truth, I don’t really mean it.

So, I suppose the only way to end all my pain is to either forgive you, or end my life. But know something? I’ve heard that sleeping pills don’t hurt at all.