Thursday, April 10, 2008

Surviving a near-death experience

Disclaimer: For once in her life, the author is describing the scene, just as it has occured. No part of this scene has been fabricated for creative emphasis.

"Seriously! No, I can't do this," she yelled.

"Of course you can!" he assured her.
"Do something...DO SOMETHING! Don't make me do this, please..." she screamed, a little too loud this time.
"Ms. Reddy, you have to calm down. We'll be through with this soon," he tried his best to pacify her.
"How can I calm down? It's going to hurt me!" she practically sobbed.
"Hurt it will, but just for a little bit. Then you're going to have something lovely for the rest of your life!" he soothed her.

After about ten minutes, he put everything together that was required to make this a successful operation. In the meantime, she was sobbing to herself and nursing all inhibitions and fears.

"Come Ms. Reddy. We're almost ready," he beckoned her.

She reluctantly sat onto the seat as he instructed her to, almost in a half lying down position.

"Here, put your feet onto this thing here, yes, here, " he instructed. "And are you comfortable with the back of the seat?"
"Yes," she replied, her voice quivering with fear.
"Alright, now just do as I tell you. All you have to do is follow instructions. And take deep, long breaths. Ok, so far?" he said, his face intent.
"Good, now spread the legs a little more...Good, that should do it," he said, patting her on her back. "All set?"
"Yes," she said, meekly.
"Great, now push!" he said, with enthusiasm.
"NO! I just can't....," she sobbed, with the blinding pain within her.
"You have to! Go on, PUSH!" he almost yelled.
"I...can't...I don't th..think...I can...," she cried, tears running down her cheeks.
"COME ON, PUSH HARDER! You're just not trying hard enough!" he said, almost screaming at her.
"GOD! This is hurting...FUCK, I can't take it...Make it stop! MAKE IT STOP!" she pleaded, weak with the pain.
"There there, almost done. You're doing fine! Now push one last time. PUSH!" he encouraged.
"I am...I really am....But...I don't think I can go on now," she wept, almost unable to get the words out coherently.
"You don't have to worry, because we're done! Congratulations, Ms. Reddy. We're all really proud of you," he beamed.
"Can I go home now?" she asked, her face all sweaty and her legs still quivering.
"You may. Just go lie down for sometime," he said. "And take care!"
"I will," she beamed. "Thank you."

Location: Talwalkars' Gymnasium, IC Colony, Mumbai.

Models: Instructor Abhishek and gymmer Ms. Reddy.
Reason for hullabaloo: Lifting 50 pounds with legs, 10 times.


the white phoenix said...

hahhahahahhahha ... that was indeed hilarious.. now i understand why you have been religiously going to the gym :P

Anonymous said...

{now i understand why you have been religiously going to the gym :P}

LOL, do u work out or what good one LOL

Homecooked said...

This was fun :) Good post.

G@K said...

Ahhhhhh... Damn. That's so funny.

Manoj Payardha said...

it became a real task to read it completely ,though it was very small it kind of got boring :( .Maybe penning down exact conversations is not the best idea

wolf counsellor said...


Over Rated said...

Rotfl .... not just funny ... Seinfeld funny ... :D

Manoj Payardha said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Ramji said...


Sometimes it happens :D :D :D

keep up Mr. or Miss Moo, whatever u r.

one advice, never judge somebody on basis of being IITian or non-IITian :)

Moo said...

@ The White Phoenix,

Lol...Now my religious visits to the gym are an open secret (that's an OXYMORON for you. *wink wink*)

Thanks for visiting. :)

@ Zander

I DO work out babes, but I need material to entertain you faithful readers with! :p

@ homecooked,

Thanks a ton. NOW do I get some of those delicious recipes? :) Keep visiting.

@ G@K,

;) What to say? I bring in the funnies. :P

@ Manoj,

Your first comment has been noted. Although, your second comment kind of ruffled some feathers. I don't understand what you expect me to do in a post like this. Have you heard of something called exaggeration? And I can't believe you've actually sat and analysed the whole post line-by-line. :-S Sometimes, being too literal isn't the answer. If you're expecting deep, intense thoughts, you're at the wrong blog. :) Thanks for visiting!

@ wolf counsellor,

:) Keep visiting.

@ Overated,

Seinfeld funny? WOW! You've just made my day, Mr. Person! :D

@ Ramji,

Thanks for dropping by, Ramji. And I'm a Miss. How stupid does Mr. Moo sound anyway? :D And I don't get your allusion to the IITan bit. Could you elaborate?

*confused, wonders*

Sraikh said...


The Shmoo said...

you knew what we'd think! you know what all of us would think! sneaky sneaky sneaky!



ess said...

Awww, you poor thing! Are you in rehab? Does it still hurt? Can you walk? :P

Not that I should talk. I'm as out of shape as a jellyfish out of water. So, it's cool. Rock on.