Tuesday, December 23, 2008

Last Christmas, I gave you my heart....

...But the useless readers that you are, you don't even leave me comments these days. Hmph.

YAY! Christmas is here, and tis the season for giving. Now since it's impossible to give all the people I love a present (because I'm broke and miserly), I'm going to be uber cheap and tell them what I'd ideally like to give them. They in turn, can close their eyes and think that they've already received a present from me, or buy it themselves and thank me for it.

So anyhoo. Merry Christmas and a happy new year everyone, and here's your present!

1) Dad - Dear dad, I'm going to gift you a pair of hearing aids, for those umpteen number of times you drive me up the wall by making me repeat everything I say. About. 20,000. Times. Actually, this is more like a present to me. And since you're my favourite guy in the whole world, I'm also going to buy you a Honda Accord like you've always wanted, real soon. Honest! *hugs*

2) Mom - I'm going to give you a sackful of patience and the will to do my bidding. It would most certainly work for you if you didn't tell me to clean my room every single day. But you're also my best buddy, so I'm gonna give you a house by the beach. And I'll be VERY offended if you don't live in it with dad, for at least six months of the year.

3) Sheroo - I'm gonna get you a new leash and a muzzle, and also a library filled with about two million books. You'll never have to complain about having nothing to read, again!

4) The Witty Goldfish - What more could you want, when you have such an amazing sister-in-law like me? Most definitely, those amazing shoes I saw at Nike (as soon as I can afford them. Be patient!)

5) Lammy - A lizard killing spray that annihilates lizards in a radius of 500 feet, and a GRAND wedding with the woman of your choice. Oh oh oh! And how could I forget those pills that cure the "both-feet-in-mouth" disease? I can't believe how thoughtful I am!

6) G@kky - Most definitely, a haircut. Rather, I think I'll gift you a salon, since ONE haircut certainly won't create even a dent in the forest of your hair. Till then, I'll buy you a gaming console of your choice.

7) Tooth - Some sense and loads of peace of mind. Also, a river full of Davidoff Coolwaters and a Tag Heuer watches.

8) Zander - A Hayabusa, whether you want / like / need one or not. Fact of the matter is, I want one with a chauffeur. :P

9) The White Phoenix - A six month paid stint with rehab. People, he's the sole reason the cigarette and alcohol industries are flourishing. Don't believe me? Go read his last post. The nice person in me will also give him a year long supply of Rajdhani tickets and free food at Hard Rock Cafe, so he can pop into Mumbai and visit me whenever he misses me too much.

10) Mika - If wishes were horses, I'd arrange for you to get a scholarship to Vidal Sassoon. So for now, I'm just going to offer you my head and let you do whatever the hell you wanted to do with my hair. Without complaining (Offer exclusive of hair straigtening and colour, thank you very much).

As for me, all you ten people could chip in and buy me a duplex flat on Worli Seaface, and perhaps throw in an Audi on the house (pun unintended) so my garage won't feel empty. In case you're feeling more generous than usual, do feel free to buy me an iPod Classic, a Nike showroom and a Nokia N95. Suggestions are welcome. Do drop me an email.

Thank you for your patience. You are most kind.

*scuttles away*


Over Rated said...

Ah!! You silly cow you!! We were just testing your resolve .. Whether you would continue to update or leave us in the lurch again. Hopefully, since you're back again, thanks to the recession/boss on holiday/general feeling of floating on thin air.

Anyways, you would want the Nokia N97. The N95 is so 2007.

Also, that doesn't imply I'm gonna gift you one. Why? I'm really cheap and uptight.

So keep doing the Moo-carena. (Okay. My Moo jokes are a little rusty right now!!).

WiseAss said...

I will get you a cat-flap and a new mat. Or basket.
Also, a cowslip.

the white phoenix said...

Rehab??? Bitch .. I want single malt whisky And let me tell you the brands -Laphroaig or Jura. A carton of Bensen & Hedges would teh icing on the cake. Rajdhani ki jagah kingfisher would be preferable (atleast can hit on the hot air-hostesses). free foood at Hard-Rock-Cafe? Who eats at HRC. I want free booze. And did I say that I want single malt as gift?

Now to you I gift the book "How to make 101 exotic cocktails". I also give you a written agreement that says that I will courier you the all the books to be written by Chetan Bhagat and your fav. Meenakshi Madhavan.

And finally I will allow you to have a
drink or two from the single-malt that you gift me

bikerro said...

first of all why the hell im being deprived of present..??? so mean .... and u wann audi ??? do u know only adults are allowed to drive in Mumbai....???

chandni said...

I demand a virtual gift too.

What would u give me??