Sunday, May 17, 2009

Children: A reality check on why I don't want any...

Readers who've been reading all the frustration I've been churning out over the years, know my contempt for children of all shapes, sizes and ages. For the uninitiated, I think children should be locked in the bathroom the minute they're born and released after they turn eight years old or something.

Which brings me to the topic of discussion. Why don't I see any well-behaved, polite children anywhere around me these days? And why does everyone around me think that these excruciatingly bratty kids are awfully cute, while I think they're just plain awful? In retrospect, I sometimes wonder if it's really a child's fault for turning out the way it does, or its parents'.

Everywhere I go, I can't walk around any place in peace without stubbing my toe on a brat. And I'm not referring to just any simple, uncomplicated brat. But the sort of brat whose neck you want to wring with your bare hands and whose remains you want to eat for breakfast. You encounter such species in malls, restaurants, theatres, mobile stores, beauty parlours, trains and any other conceivable place. These kids believe that their entire world is their playground, so they won't waste a minute playing catch-and-cook or hide-and-seek, in which case they simply lock themselves up in an unsupervised changing rooms and refuse to come out, despite the long line of customers that gradually starts building up outside.

I really don't understand where the parents of these kids come from. Wouldn't a normal, self-respecting human being feel at least an iota of shame when their kids are given annoyed glances, disgruntled looks or in some cases, told to shut up? Turns out, not really. Mamma dearest turns all protective about her offspring and gives the wronged party a dirty look in return. Sometimes, she may even throw in her favourite argument: "Agar bacche nahi masti karenge toh kaun karega?"

No, mummy dearest. I get that you unfortunately, love your child. But I don't get why your child should go ahead and spoil everyone's time and experience. I also can't fathom why you think your child is so cute when he's clearly behaving like Satan's spawn. If you have any argument in your favour, I'd like to hear it. But don't be surprised if I throw my shoe at you in the middle of the conversation. Goodness knows you have nothing to say in your defense.

These are the exact same parents who will happily continue shopping in malls, when their children are on some other floor playing havoc with the toys. These are the same parents who encourage their children to sit on sofas and beds with their shoes on, in expensive furniture shops. Such parents don't bother stopping their children from doing anything, like playing with the gas right upto talking back to whoever's in front of them. Forget trying to stop them; they make merry these disgusting habits thereby encouraging the child to become increasingly difficult day by day.

Don't these parents realise that they're being nothing but bad parents? That they don't need to prove their love to their children by indulging every whim and fancy? What makes them so afraid to show their kids who's the boss? The possibility that their children might hate them? That's a little impossible, considering a six year-old will remember that its mother rebuked it for drawing on the walls, for only about 10 minutes. At the most it will cry, throw a tantrum and not hover around its mother for sometime. Surely the mother can live with that?

Most importantly, don't you realise you're making your child a less likeable, annoying, whimpering, complaining little piece of hate? A someone who is not used to taking no for an answer and hence, not used to tasting bits of failure now and then?

Perhaps I don't have the right to teach you how to bring up your children. But please, keep your beloved offspring away from constantly staring into my plate and reaching out into my food when I'm trying to enjoy a decent meal at a restaurant. Or don't blame me if I give your child a resounding slap the next time.

Or maybe I'll save the slap for you.

11 comments:

Lamont said...

WOW.......... I guess ur parents locked u in a room for 8 yrs too... the result isnt really diff ...lol
Crazy cow

Rohit said...

Hehe..Yeah...well said Lammy...Even i had this doubt many a times....may b 8 yrs weren't enough....lol...

G@K said...

Lol...I was gonna say that the don't spare the rod technique dint work for you, but two other people have already said it.
It is not just kids who are doing it. So are teens and adults. So why take away that right from kids?
As for manners, I guess we all could do with a lot more...

Tazeen said...

oh I so loathe noisy kids in restaurants. You spend money in expensive restaurants not only for food but also for ambiance but we cant touch/say/glare at noisy brat, they are the holy grail of human evolution

Mugger Much said...

Children: A loud noise at one end and no sense of responsibility at the other.

Choose the ends you want to assign to the above.

Moo, I second your opinion. I detest yuppie-spawn from the depths of my heart (which is quite shallow, I'm afraid). I don't know why most parents today think it's cool how rude their little bundle of joy is being to total strangers. Sample conversation follows.

Auntie/Hot Mom 1: "I mean, like, he answered back in English and all. So sweet no?"
Auntie/Hot Mom 2: "I knowwww. My Bunty's also very smart the silly boy teehee. When this old guy was telling him to keep shut, he started shouting back. Sooo cuute and all. Of course that old man didn't understand. Bunty was only pulling his hair for fun."

In the immortal words of Edmund Blackadder, these creatures need to be poked to death with the blunt end of a pencil.

Mugger Much said...

PS: I've commented. I'm officially no longer a lurker. Kindly desist from spoiling my good name.

Sakshi said...

Cool... cool..!!! I know what you are talking about. Its almost the same tone that MY mum uses with the bratty kids.. or rather- The spoiled ones. The only person I know who doesn't take any shit from her 5 year daughter is- My cousin sister in Mumbai. She takes a lot on my Mom and her bringing up of me. (My mom is really proud of herself... she says that my sister and I were not at all bratty.. coz of her ways with her)... I agree that its the Parents who are at fault. The reason being that- since most of the moms are also working they compensate by saying 'yes' to everything that their lil kiddos say...and any sort of love is love...thus the brattiness...

Gentle Whispers said...

*Bows down and worships*

The World From my Eyes said...

Hey really like the sarci tone in which you write. But havent really encountered suuuuuuuuucccccch braty kids!! or may be dont really think kids are all that bratty. may be cause have been a huge brat as a kid myself. Once I even broke a huge glass table at a restaurant while running around it!!

Sreejit said...

Well well, I was a brat when I was a kid, so much so that till date when I meet old relatives they relate me stories of how I used to trouble them. Not that my parents spared the rod, but then I was a naughty kid. I wouldnt throw tantrums as such, but the inquisitive that I was I would mess up lot of things.

I think you are being too harsh on kids Moo.. I agree some of them do tend to get too much on yr nerves, but then they are cute sometimes and just their smile can make yr day.
PS: I love kids(Others')...

The Shmoo said...

You got the words right out of my mouth and brain Moo! (Only you worded it better)

Kids aren't at fault at all. If their upbringing is so pathetic, what can we expect.

This reminds me of a lovely example a priest gave us during a sermon. He said that children are like a garden. You need to trim them and nurture them so that they grow up into something beautiful. If the garden if left to itself, it will be a big bunch of weeds and an untidy mess of bushes and branches.

Some parents don't know head nor tail about children and just assume that giving them complete freedom will make them great, independent people.

Loved the article Moo!