Monday, August 21, 2006

Hold Thy Judgement!

I’m a bad, bad person. But in my defense, I want to say that I had to do what I did. There was simply no other way out. Now once you have heard me out on this one, I will proceed forward to narrate the exact incident (which I am really NOT proud off). Till then, DON’T judge me.

The crux of the issue is, that I had to pinch a kid in the train. And by pinch I obviously don’t mean I stole it. Okay here’s the thing. I was sitting in the train on a homeward journey from college one afternoon, minding my own business and fantasizing my afternoon siesta to the point of drooling. I pulled out my paper and began solving the crossword, when this woman got in at one of the stations. Her son was with her, around one year of age. I ignored them, until the woman made the boy squeeze on the opposite fourth seat. She handed him a packet of Zalani Jaljeera Powder (???) to…er…lick off from his hand. Moreover, the boy split that stuff on the seat, which he actually stood up and licked RIGHT OFF THE SEAT!! Most women around me wanted to throw up around a week’s meals to commemorate the event, but I suppose we were too shocked to do even that. One woman shut her pack of Good Day biscuits, and I bet she silently vowed never to eat anything in her life again. So well, what was the mother doing when her kid was ‘cleaning’ the seat? She gave him a benevolent smile and said Aisa nahi karneka!

I know the confusion that’s crawling about in your minds. If the kid licked the seats clean, why did I pinch him? No, no. To know that, you need to hang on a bit. Anyway, the next thing the mother did was to bully her way to our seats, made the boy sit right next to me, and promptly plopped down where the boy formerly sat. Immediately she handed him a vada pav this time. And I prayed there would be no more casualties in the second course. If there would be, I swear I would have thrown up all over him. And I was right! There were casualties. Apart from the fact that the vada pav eating induced machaak machaak sounds (really loud ones), the kid’s nose was to snot, what Niagara Falls is to water. This whole exercise was punctuated by continuous staring at me, like I was a really phenomenal zoo exhibit. I even chose to ignore that, till the kicking started. He was supposedly swinging its feet, making neat shoe prints on my new jeans. I swerved my foot rather harder than I intended, and he stopped doing that annoying thing after he got the point. Five minutes of peace, and that is when he laid his head on my shoulder like we were in love or something. I had had enough just about then. The last thing I need is coots from a two feet tall monster. I jerked my shoulder sharply, and this time the freak started crying. His even freakier mother wasn’t bothered even then. What happened next, you will NOT believe. This child took the vada pav it was eating, actually WIPED a portion of the train wall with it, and promptly ate it. And the cherry on the cake was, he wiped his grubby paws on my bag! After the initial shock of watching him eat dirt of the walls, the hand-wiping struck me, and that is when I had to give him the smallest pinch I could. I’m sorry, but then, I’m really not. The crying spree induced by the pinch made his mother take him onto her lap, which is when peace reigned the compartment.

Do you still wanna talk about judging me, matey?

16 comments:

donnatello said...

Why only the pinch u should have...

well this gurl writes neat stuff yaar, like the way she has got to "Niagara Falls" there so much of funny stuff in there.

kEEp rOCkin

(Hey u wanna go for the rock show on 26)

mukta said...

well, i dunno...i wish i could...but will letcha know. Thanks for the comment don don...:P

sonam said...

haha it's damn funny!kids all over the world are weird, unless of course, if they're like aarya in which case they just have a foul temper and are adorable.did u see any snot bubbles btw?!

mukta said...

@ sonam...

ya know, i REALLY tried not to stare at them snot bubbles, however mesmerizing they were! =D

G@K said...

Tsk tsk! U r a bad bad bad child. So wat if dat kid had a lil snot and weird eating habits. U shudn't hv pinched him. Mebbe a hug wud have cured his bad habits:p

mukta said...

@ G@k...

are you my friend or not? i think not. :(

Sunny said...

haha i love this stuff!

Saroja said...

Hmm... leave a comment you said. Well, you are a very impertinent gal. And a real good writer. That plain enough?

Do reply. No reason why I should mind the repartee if you don't.

mukta said...

Impertinent? I am shocked! Good writer? Not shocking at all, but thanks ... ;)

[thanks a bunch...I REALLY didn't know that) :)

Saroja said...

'Impertinence' is a kind word to describe the act glorified in this post of urs... methinks u should have pinched the mother instead! Or, evn better, clobbered her.

:D

mukta said...

I would have, if i'd have reached her. There was a battalion of women in the gangway. Or she would at least gotten an earful.

How about parting with thy email id? I generally have some fun stuff you'd like.

Nagesh Pai said...

I am reminded of the "Betaaaaah Swaaytarr pehenlo.....Maaa maa mujhe bathroom jaana hai hehe " ad hehehe.

i am gonna invent a portable vaccum cleaner attachment that cleans the la' niagara falls as well as jeans and walls smeared with Vada pav... Hmm but will then need someone to sell it in the ladies compartment :-)

Hehe sorry about the babbles.. i am sure you wanna pinch me now!! Managed to write it after regaining my consciousness lost by excessive laughter :-)

Varsha said...

OMG what a kid!! Well you were not too bad in pinching the kid but you could have been in a big fights with the mama bear!! Wonder why ppl don't teach theis kiddos some manners

Christopher said...

you should have pinch the mother first, I hate these type of parents who does not want to take responsbilty of their own kid, you should have given the mother a mouth full so next time she would not do the same thing again. I was right what you have done cause naughty kids has to be taught a lesson.

mukta said...

@ varsha...

yes, if the mother was closer, god knows what i would have done....lol...but thanks for dropping by!

@ christy...

yes goddammit!! there are soooo many namoonas like these in the train!

satya said...

lolzzz.. pity on u