Wednesday, October 01, 2008

Reasons why I wish to remain childless

Babies are frankly not as glamorous as they are made out to be. I mean, what's the big deal about children anyway? In my entire 21 years, I have picked up just one baby (and almost dropped because it was so goddamn squirmy), that too because the kid was thrust on me by a friend (since it was her brother). Let's face it. Babies and I don't get along. I don't find them cute. When they giggle, maybe, but apart from that, no cuteness there. And when I say babies, I mean kids in general, below the age of five.

Why don't I like babies? Loads of reasons. They grow into nasty adults, is a big reason. Why do I wish to remain childless? Oh, LOADS of reasons to that. Here are some:

1) I am not known to care fulltime about another human being for so many years until the bloody thing can walk.

2) There's too much pain and too much effort involved in producing a child - something I wouldn't like to subject myself too.

3) I value my sleep too much to wake up in the middle of the night, simply because another creature is hungry or shitting in my bed.

4) I might strangle the child in my sleep (intentionally or unintentionally).

5) I hate sharing my bed.

6) You can never be too careful when you talk before a kid.

7) They crap too much. I mean, washing someone's butt after a poop is not my idea of a pleasant task.

8) You can't eat while / before feeding your child.

9) I can't stand indiscipline and neither do I subscribe to "Kids are kids. They HAVE to be naughty". I belong to the old school of thought which says, "A slap in time, saves nine."

10) I want to be able to enjoy a quiet dinner with my husband / boyfriend (yes, I don't see why you can't have a child with your boyfriend if both of you want to), without a child wailing in the background.

11) There's just too much bloody stuff to lug around when a baby is with you.

12) I frankly can't see why I should go through all the pain when the guy who did this to me is equally responsible.

13) I wouldn't like to see stretch marks all over me.

14) I'd instantly be called an 'aunty'.

15) I'd rather spend all the money I spend on the child on myself.

Whew. I'm done. But you'll still visit my blog, won't you? :|


Senseless post said...

Wish your mom thought the same.

Moo said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Moo said...

@ Senseless post,

Congratulations! You're my first troll. :D

Kindly don't keep visiting. :P

John Lurie said...

Here's your second troll:

I wonder how your kid will feel when he/she/it reads it in the future.

And hey, trolls deserve trolls.

Lovely play on the word troll, don't yoo think? Oh don't yoo? Oh don't yoo?

Gentle Whispers said...

Sigh, when will I get my first troll?????????? I feel so unloved or is it unhated?

Anyway, pertaining to the post, I shall do a post relating to it soonest.

Moo said...

@ john lurie or whatever you are:

I don't think you've been reading the post carefully enough. In case you've been daft enough not to get it the first time, babies aren't in my scheme of things.

Wow. Two whole trolls. :D I'm on a roll.

@ Gentle Whisperer,

You can have my trolls. They're giving my blog a bad name. Take them away. Now be a good lass. :p Waiting for thine post. :D

chandni said...

don't count on the aunty tag coming after babies...

My experiencs: as soon as u're married!

Over Rated said...

Oh, my sentiments EXACTLY. (except the whole getting pregnant stuff which does not apply to me .err..) ..

I really can't be bothered too. I need my sleep. And with my beliefs (or the lack of them), if I ever have a kid he's gonna be like the spawn of satan.

p.s. why haven't I been invited to the other blog yet?

Over Rated said...

okay, the email address is ...

chandni said...

what other blog????????/

I want an invite too!

bohemianrover at gmail dot com


the mad momma said...

perfectly reasonable post I say. these trolls really need to get out and get a life. living under a dark damp bridge can make you rather cranky - pliss to be kind to them.

that said - couldnt you have written this post 4 years ago and sent it to me? oh wait - i'd not have known you if it werent for the damn kids and the blog i write on them. looks like they are of some use ;)

WiseAss said...

That's funny...I just saw mum writing something on 'Why I should have remained childless'. You two doing a dissertation?

Anonymous said...

Hi Mukta. Actually, I love babies, and young children, specially small girls. I love small boy's too, but I prefer girls, because i'm a guy. Perhaps, I will not get married, but at least other people have children, whom I can see.

Anonymous said...

What does your husband/boyfriend have to say about this? Actually, I love children, because I love mothers. I have the best mother that one can have, she was the best mother, when I was a kid. Perhaps, I love children, just as much as I love my mother.

Moo said...

@ Chandni,

:D Yes. How did I forget the aunty tag?

@ Overrated,

I don't think you're allowed to feel the same sentiments since you don't have the erm...prerequisites? :D But I do agree about your kid being the spawn of Satan. Hahaha! :P

@ the MM,

NO! YOU are allowed to have babies. In fact, I insist. How else are we to read your blog then? :P

@ Wiseass,

:O My own sister is a troll too?

@ Aditya,

Admire your sentiments, but what exactly are you talking about?

WiseAss said...

I'm a droll troll.

Anonymous said...

Hahaha! Hilarious. But I still love babies and have you heard of "Adoption" :-p :-p