Friday, January 05, 2007

Some Distressing Home-truths

There are good days and then there are bad days. And then there are days when whatever you do takes an about turn and screws you up your ass. I don’t know what to make of such situations, apart from the fact that they make you feel like you’re nothing but the inconsequential louse that you’ve forgotten you are.

Of all the attributes that belong to man, I think the ego is the most intriguing. Its funny how delicately the ego must be handled. Hurting someone’s ego, especially mine, must be made a criminal offence. So at this rate, I think all bosses must be hanged to death.

There’s another home truth that my philosophical self has realized. At the workplace, it doesn’t matter who’s wrong or right. What matters is, you’re crap and your boss is God. And when you’ve got that equation right, you’ll slip into a blissful state of indifference. Indifference where nothing affects you; whether a cactus is shoved up your backside or a really long, thorny bamboo. Fuck it, yaar becomes THE anthem.

So why all this banter, you must be wondering. Well, there’s a lot of things that I myself am confused about. But to begin with, let’s just say that the management is deciding to shift our department somewhere else. The office we sit in right now is this really pretty, well-lit place with cozy interiors and some very cool people. And the place the plan to shift us to, is this place with buildings somewhere between slums and chawls, with slaughterhouses that chop chicken, mutton and beef, a prevailing stink of rotting animal carcasses and overflowing gutters, huge BMC trash cans and not to mention the smelliest of stray animals. The ‘office’ we are going to inhabit is reportedly a mezzanine thing to be reached with a 90 degree narrow steel ladder. There’s no loo to go to, no AC to cool ourselves (and our disgust) with, and if you even remotely turn towards the window you might spot a hair in the dal the neighbour is cooking. It is THAT bloody congested and bile-rising.

Would you in your right frame of mind want to spend eight hours of day smelling dead animals, stinking toilets and gutters? Which is precisely why we decided to take the matter up to the CEO and tell him we would eat ourselves up before surrendering to such a place.

The CEO kindly fired two of my senior most colleagues (one of them being my best buddy). What’s more, he (the CEO, not my buddy) had the audacity to claim that the juniour employees didn’t matter to him, and the whole department could leave that minute if they ever dared to question his decisions again. All that at 7568 decibels.

Ooooh I’m scared.

I don’t care a fuck. Take your bloody job and put it where the monkey puts its nuts. Now repeat with me. I-Don’t-Care. I feel no remorse quitting your ‘esteemed’ organization, because I have accepted the one truth of the universe. I am crap and my boss is God. See? It doesn’t make a difference to me. There are other jobs out there. Someone will hire me. I don’t need this job. After I’ve left, they’ll realize how good I was and might even call me back. If they don’t value all the effort I’ve put into the company, I don’t care two hoots about them.

Hell, who am I kidding? I do care about where I might land up next. All of a sudden, everything before my eyes is blurred, and I don’t know how to bring it back into focus. Right now, I just want to shut my eyes and pretend it didn’t happen.

God, if you’re around, please take my advice. When things are going fine, don’t mess with them. Change is something that we can really do without, sometimes. The world would really find it easier if you didn’t decide to screw things up, thank you very much.

* Takes overdose of sleeping pills and dies*

7 comments:

donnie said...

Well all i can say is welcome to this "mean" carpy world, where the "boss" is always right :)

Donnie knows best, u have to agree to that.

mukta said...

Haha...Where will I go without agreeing with you? You're my helpline ... :)

Wahhhh Snifff I love working here. :(

pratik said...

Does that mean that u get to eat all those lovely animals that u smell at ur workplace?[:d]

mukta said...

@ pratik,

Since I haven't stooped down so low yet, I will see to it that they will be available for you to devour...And something tells me you're crossing your fingers for that to happen... Haha..
Anyway, thanks for visiting...

Beg to differ said...

Died zhala vait zhala...

ankurindia said...

well if you dont link job just switch it ... dont worry ...

Manoj Payardha said...

This is definitely the most hilarious post i read for a long time now.Thanks for making my day