Tuesday, May 15, 2012

Defining a circle

So that’s what they mean by a circle. Or a rut.

Where you’re going on and  on, treading the same path millions are treading with you. Where you’re convincing yourself that it’s okay, you’re just doing this so that you can make a mark.

Screw the mark. Screw the unbeaten path. That’s never going to happen.

Whatever you do, others have done it before you. Tons and zillions of others. What you are doing is nothing but find your footing (or trying really hard to) and becoming a cog. And in this bid to be different, you don’t realize what you’re losing.

Time with family. Time for family. With friends. And most importantly, with yourself.

Consequently, you find yourself being exhausted all the time. Even the occasional weekend becomes the same old, same old.

Get up late, lunch with folks, the ‘Saturday’ date with your boyfriend, dinner at ‘someplace nice’, come back home, talk to the folks. Rinse and repeat for Sunday, and voila! Monday morning’s here.

Thank you, God, but you screwed up again. This isn’t the life I’d ordered. And I’m going to ask an unreasonable question.

Why can’t I have bits of everything?

Why must I have to give up on my personal life and sanity, to prove myself at work?

Or give up on an ambitious, excellent professional life to embrace a personal life?

What am I missing here?

And most importantly, how do I go about setting this right?

My lovely parents don’t understand why ‘I’ve changed’. Even if I do, I have nothing to tell them. My friends soon won’t be able to stand me anymore.

And there’s no answer to the question, ‘What’s wrong?’

Because, even I don’t know what is. 


Sakshi said...

You know, I can safely say- been there and done that.
It is impossible for me to understand one simple fact about my ex-boss that even after being married a zillion years she and her husband stay a million miles apart.. I mean, she is post 50 and he is around 60.. why can't he move to India or she to germany.. at their age.

I have learnt, and very early in my career, that you need to make a very conscious choice about the kind of life you want, and realise why you work... when younger I wanted to be famous.. but today, at the end of the day I am ready to be just me, Sakshi. Not a famous lawyer, but someone who has a family to go back to.

rakshas said...

As life goes on... you will find your answers... you have found one in letting it go when you hit the keyboard... In that you create a place for several... like me... to have a moment to smile while we trudge on trying to make a mark... or when answering whats wrong!

SwB said...

True for so many of us. 'Rinse and repeat' is exactly what it is. The answers are sometimes as confusing as the questions. Tk care.

SAMtugga "The Heretic Soul" said...

Awesome! post. BTW we do the same thing over & over again or we get into a ROUTINE, coz it gives us comfort. This comfort is derived from the sense of control which comes from the knowledge of the known. God gives us a choice a life of chaos, dynamism, uncertainty or control,system & security. We choose how we live it

Nupur said...

Lovely post!! So relatable!!!