The time has now come...

...to carry a bottle of deodorant in your bag, at all times.

I'm not going to be talking about the weather because there's nothing else to talk about. I'm going to talk about the weather, because I want protest against nature's conspiracy to kill me by making me melt. So dear God, if I decide it's cool to die in flames, I'll make my own provision by baking myself in a kiln or something. Could you please pay attention to more pressing topics, like getting me a raise?

For all those who were in Mumbai this last week, and thought it was hot, bop yourself on the head with a pen stand. I can say, with considerable authority, that all the heat was concentrated in Goa. Ask me. I was there. Melting.

Apart from that, Goa was good. Working out of a hotel room, handling an entire website, putting up video interviews, sending out bulletins and the daily newsletter with excruciatingly slow internet connections for company seems amazing now, but you won't believe the colourful vocabularly hurled at the laptop every three minutes while I was in the midst of it.

To start at the beginning, I went to Goa with the rest of the team, for the 2009 Goafest. We were staying at this tramp of a place called 'The Old Anchor', but thankfully, were working out of my editor's room at The Leela. We spent almost 14 hours of day at that exquisite place. I wasn't around for last year's Goafest, but I was told how extremely chaotic it was. This year thankfully, we were sorted. Everyone knew what the other was doing, so there was no time wasted with three people doing the same thing, and you know, stuff like that. I pitied my colleagues, who had to go to the beach at all odd hours of the morning and afternoon, and report back. Since I normally handle the website, most of my work included working out of the room. The few times I did step out, resulted in burnt toes and at least 20 kilos lost with the sheer streams of sweat. It was bad.

The Leela however, was beautiful. Not that we got to see much of it. I did go for a short walk one morning with my editor and his daughter, and it was sheer bliss. The entire place is green and one of the most soothing sights I've ever seen. Greenery abounds the entire property, not to mention flowers of every concievable type and colour. Perhaps what appealed to me the most was the abundance of water bodies around the place. Our own room overlooked a lazy lake, with perfectly pretty cottages on the opposite side. Spare time was spent looking into the various fish that swirled around in the water, and contemplating whether to join their escapades or just be content watching them cool themselves from the glare of the sun. Sigh. Fish have it easy sometimes!

The Leela also has a beautiful private beach. The kind that stretches forever, with the most beautiful beach benches you saw. Again, we didn't get the time to go the beach, since it was midnight by the time we finished every night. But I did catch a glimpse of it from afar. The only thought that went around in my mind was, "Man I want to come here for my honeymoon."

However, I've changed my mind since. About the honeymoon, that is.

Why?

Because I don't think I can spend my entire honeymoon cleaning myself with toilet paper.

Which brings me to another very major topic of discussion. What does the West have against water in relation to personal hygiene (read: cleaning of the posterior) ? And why are their five-star Indian counterparts in the hospitality industry suffering such a colonial hangover? Ok, granted that a lot of foreigners visit these places, and we all know what their ideas of washing up after...ahem...unloading themselves, are. But so what? You're still in India, and there are many five-star Indians who visit these hotels too. And no. Don't you dare say that five-star Indians use only toilet paper. I will tie you up with an entire roll of the same paper, if you do. Will it hurt to have toilet paper and a jet spray? Seriously?

I think I need to calm down. But I feel very strongly against places, that care enough to have a seperate 'pillow menu' (I'm serious. They had a menu for pillows. You could order one that made you most comfortable), didn't think it was necessary to have an attachment that helped me keep my self respect. Toilet paper. Seriously!

Anyway, by the time Goafest was over, there wasn't any time left to have 'fun' at Goa. And anyway, I can't enjoy myself on any trip that doesn't involve my family and close friends. Spending time with colleagues in settings that aren't work related isn't my idea of fun. Barely had time to pick up some junk jewelry and enjoy a drive to the airport.

I'm currently on a six day holiday upto Tuesday. The boss let us take our compensatory offs at a stretch, to help us unwind! :D Bhagwan kare sab ko aisa hi boss mile... Actually not. It's fun to gloat!

See you around next time. :) I'm having a slight stomach-related problem, resulting in slight diarrhoea. Not that I mind. BECAUSE I CAN USE WATER WHEN I'M AT HOME!